Let People See Your True Colors.

“The important thing isn't what other people think you are; it's who you are.” 

― Shannon L. Alder

I realized yesterday why I love Pinterest (This) so much... 

It's the ability to make these little mini-collections of things you like called "Boards." You fill them with ideas, websites, quotes, photos, obscenities - anything that you find interesting. You gather these things organically or whimsically through surfing over other people's collective boards. I now have 20 of these boards, and as I reviewed them, I saw about ten that were unique aspects of a different part of my personality. Puzzle pieces of the makeup of my psyche. Personal, yet out there for the world to see. 

And I can add to them whenever I have a minute or two to muse - 

Which is probably when most of us let our hair down to be who we are. In those little clusters of time when our brain needs a break, and no one is looking, and we forget that this is an entirely public site. Sometimes, I find myself chuckling at an item I want to 'pin' (this is adding to your board) and then stopping short of adding it. Yeah, just because I think it's funny or entertaining doesn't always translate into being something I wish to portray to all. But maybe that's not a good way to think about it. After all, my sense of humor and perspective is what makes me colorful. 

And my true colors will attract some and repel others. 

So if I wish to gather in my life the people who want me in theirs, then I am doing myself a disservice if I don't show my real self. The person who I think I am, from research, gathered over 50 plus years of active 'pinning' in my lifetime boards. If we can let go of worrying about giving off a wrong impression, then we can grow in the beautiful areas that make us whole. Not fragmented puzzle pieces, but collective masterpieces. 

So go ahead, show your true colors. 

Those who want to be a part of your journey will see a painting.

Cheers.

Finding life's empathetic wonders.

“A best friend is the only one that walks into your life when the world has walked out.” 

― Shannon L. Alder

This is the time of year that I start to struggle.

I'm not sure what picks the scab that covers the sore in my soul, but it's always about this time of year that I find my thoughts often going to the loss of my son, Seth. It's not like the pain of his absence is ever far from my mind, but certain segments of the calendar are even more poignant that others. I attempt to prepare for them, and I have done better about being ready, but I am still often caught off guard by the somber emotion that begins to shadow my life. It makes holding fast to a joyous perspective even more important to me. And important that I share the liferaft principles that have helped me to stay afloat the past nearly eight years.

Because everyone has a page in their story, they don't like to read out loud.

You may not have lost a child, but it's difficult to find a human that does not understand some deep grief or loss. It can also be a terrible mistake you made that caused harm to others or injustice that was done to you. It's behind you, but it will always remain a part of who you are. It will color some of your days, and cause you to react in ways not faithful to your norm.

And you can't explain it to every soul that crosses your path, 

because it's both not fair and impossible to everyone to be able to understand what you've experienced. Ah, but there are those who just seem to have a gift for that rarest of treasured character traits - Empathy. The ability to hear and know, and absorb and feel. You will imagine that they must have gone through a similar struggle or pain, but that's not always the case. But when you find one, they show themselves quickly.

They talk with you, not at you.

They acknowledge your pain without comparing theirs.

They don't tell you to get over it, but rather, say they believe you will get through it.

They walk with you when others walk out.

Keep your eyes open for these emphatic wonders.

Cheers.

Watching my son be a Father is one of life's greatest joys.

"You don’t raise heroes, you raise sons.  And if you treat them like sons, they’ll turn out to be heroes, even if it’s just in your own eyes." 

-Walter M. Schirra, Sr. 

Like many parents, the dates of my children's birth are always special to me. Their entrance into my life each impacted me in ways I would never have considered possible. Each one continues to improve me as a human being, and it's amazing to trace back where we had come from that first moment when our eyes met.

And there are so many incredibly memorable moments.

But I think that the most amazing of those are the instances of watching my children with their children. I am reminded of this as I celebrate the birth of my son Jeremy today. He has provided me with a lifetime of adjectives and adverbs filled with elation and challenge. I never doubted he would be a wonderful father, but even I didn't realize that he would be an exemplary one.

And I don't think I can take any of the credit. 

I just raised a son in the best fashion I knew how. But now my son is filled with determination to be the best father he can be. He has joined forces with a young woman who he has committed to cherishing. He has decided to develop every talent within him to fully support his family and his life's purpose. And for that, he is now also my hero.

Birthday bliss to my hero son, Jeremy Bryce.

Cheers.

Let go of fear: Keep your eyes on the big picture.

I am not comfortable with the state of our world. As a wife, mother, grandmother, sister, friend and human, I am concerned about much of what I hear and read about these days.

It's disrupted my sleep lately.

This morning, I woke up and realized I was losing sight of the bigger picture. How can I extend myself toward the potential of my life if I am focused on fear?

Today,  I am calling out to all of us who ever felt stuck in the past or terrified of the future.  Here is a short list of some asides I've considered as we got forward together today:

1. Take responsibility for your feelings.

How many times have we heard this platitude and discounted it, but it is true: "You are the writer of your story; you get to choose how it’s going to end and nobody else." Taking responsibility for feelings like anger, sadness, or jealousy is hard, but the truth is no one else can control what you think or feel.

2. You are not the only one.

Just like you are hurting, so is the person who hurt you; it’s just that you may never know how they feel. They are human, just like you, and they feel, just like you. Try to understand that we all go through the same things only at different times.

3. Deal with the present moment.

You might dislike the way a particular person or situation makes you feel, and you can try to distance yourself from that place in time, but you can’t distance yourself from your feelings. They’re inside of you, and they come with you wherever you go. Ignoring your emotions will not make them go away, and when emotions build up, they can eventually lead us to do things that don't make us proud.

4. Trust fear.

Have you ever heard the quote “Fear is a pointer to your next adventure”? Fear only exists within the mind; it does not exist in the world outside of us. It’s an imaginary barrier we create for ourselves, a wall that usually appears right before something great is ready to take place in our lives.

When we make the choice to confront our fears, there is a reward waiting on the other side.

Like the Ladybug in the picture, keep your eyes on the bigger picture.

Cheers.

No matter your age, you can still bend.

This picture reminds me today of another part of my Yoga journey. 

Now before you stop reading because you would never consider Yoga, hang on, there's more. You see, I had a Hip Replacement 7 years ago, gained about 150 pounds over the last 7 years, and became completely settled into becoming old, fat, and stiff. I had grown all I needed, thank you, and I was happy enough after all.

But then, more Grandchildren arrived...

And I realized that I wanted to LIVE with them while I was here on the earth. I wanted to run and play with them. I wanted to jump on the trampoline with them, dance with them. So I had to decide not to settle anymore. And I made a lot of decisions. Mostly, that I would be willing to adapt and grow.

And I lost weight, and I felt a lot younger...

But I still felt stiff and a little fragile. So then I started Yoga. And believe me, I started slowly. But soon, I was using muscles I forgot I had, and feeling a new vitality that I thought I had lost. But I still was very worried about the bending backward, sure that I would tumble over and break my neck (or crush my dog).

I started to bend, just a little...

Then more. Then I closed my eyes and set my intentions upon becoming the best version of my 56-year-old self. I am growing, and I am adapting.

And if I can do it, you  can too.

Cheers.

When the Thought Circles are Making You Dizzy - Time to Straighten Out.

Get out of your head and get into your heart. Think less, feel more.” ~Osho

Have you ever felt attached to your thoughts, like you knew you were thinking yourself in circles. But a part of you felt that it proved you were responsible, even if a little dizzy? You may even set aside time in the morning or evening to clear your head with a walk, yoga, prayer or meditation. But sometimes, when we get to the end of the day, particularly when our minds are circling, we feel resistant.

We have so much on our minds that we don't feel like doing anything else.

But that’s a compelling reason to do your thing. So why are we against clearing our heads, and getting out of the clouds of thoughts, and into our feelings and heart?

For me, I think I am creating solutions, and making mental progress. If I took a break to clear my head, I thought, I might miss out on discovering something useful. I begin to believe that analyzing, assessing, and plotting was somehow more productive than getting out and energizing my mind and body.

What a misguided notion.

While there’s something to be said for thinking things through, sometimes it’s far more useful to let everything go, create some space, and then see what ideas and feelings emerge in that new place of clarity and stillness. Taking a break in any fashion can feel like losing control - at least, it can be for me. But releasing control often feels far better than we imagine it will. And when we feel good, we increase our odds of doing good, through our work and hobbies.

If we want to create and inspire, we need to create room to access inspiration.

It doesn’t come from a sheer mental will. It’s from enabling a flow between our heads and our hearts so that we don’t just know our answers, we feel them, with every ounce of our being.

Inside, outside, all around us.

So get out of your head, and expand your heart.

Cheers.

Manic Monday or Slow Seconds?

“Stop beating yourself up. You are a work in progress; which means you get there a little at a time, not all at once.” ~Unknown

I started practicing yoga about seven months ago. I never imagined I would have grown to love it as much as I do.
It’s helped me through a transition from feeling aged and stuck to a new vitality and strength.

I have taken a deep dive into learning as much as I can about it as quickly as I can.

But yoga doesn't teach quickly. Yoga is a practice of the slow and steady. In fact, you really will not get as much out of the practice of yoga if you try to do it in fast mode. And I struggle with slow.

So in the struggle to learn about slow, I've started thinking more about slow. Here are some thoughts.

1. Slow teaches us patience.
And patience is its gift, especially during times when things are out of our control, and we have no choice but to wait it out. When we bring patience to gently moving toward a goal, we have it in reserve for when roadblocks get in the way (as they inevitably will).

2. Slow develops acceptance and gratitude.
When we rush headlong into what we want to achieve, we can get easily frustrated with any hurdle or slight delay. And frustration is unlikely to get us to our goal more quickly.
We also miss the opportunity to accept and be grateful for the small steps we take, those incremental achievements, and for where we are right now—for the good and the bad of everyday life.

3. Slow allows for small mistakes.
Rush at something and we run the risk of messing up big-time. Take it slow and we get the chance to experiment with small errors, helping us to grow so we can hopefully avoid bigger mistakes in the future. We have to learn our lessons, and we don’t learn until we allow things to sink in.

4. Slow makes room for other stuff.
When we want something, fast we can become obsessed with that thing, as though the goal has taken on a life of its own.
While it’s great to prioritize what we want, it doesn’t make sense to create an imbalance in our lives with one overwhelming obsession. Who knows what, and who, you might miss out on if you do.?

5. Slow builds resilience.
The lyrics “It’s better to die on your feet than live on your knees” might ring true, but I’m betting you’d still like to be around for a long life.
Slow is about building a legacy, and along the way, resilience. That can only be won through endurance.
Fast is ideal for igniting passion and showing courage, but who do you think is braver and more passionate? The person who sprints out of the starting block or the one who keeps going in the long distance?

6. Slow is seasonal.
Taking things slowly recognizes that sometimes we need to sit and deliberate, by fire or by the beach. We need to wait in faith for the universe rather than selfishly expecting our desires to take precedence.

We need to look at nature to realize that the seasons cycle at their pace, and we should always be willing to take things slower (and faster) as required.

Slow doesn’t have to be timid, or lazy, or less-than-smart. Slow isn’t a marker for fear and procrastination, nor apathy and indecision.

I can realize the benefits of slow that have snuck up on me in their own sweet time. And I am most grateful.
Slow isn’t dull and boring, but contemplative and considered. Slow is the yin in a very yang world.
Slow is the strength of surrender, and surrender can be the most powerful kind of victory.
Here's to finding some slow in your week ahead.
Cheers.

It's not WHAT your opinion is, but WHY you have it that counts.

"I never considered a difference of opinion in politics, in religion, in philosophy, as a cause for withdrawing from a friend." Thomas Jefferson

It's an election year, and the rhetoric is in full swing. 

Debating has become a part of our daily life. In the media, online and in real life, we practice that human concept of taking a stand and defending our position. I'm as guilty of sharing my views as the next person. Now that I can Tweet, Reddit, pin and post it, there are many more places to find oneself shooting from the hip - and many times without thinking first. And sometimes, you can hit a nerve or two. Thank goodness for the delete button.

And while some people's opinions might surprise me, I never let them come between a friendship.

What person someone backs for a political position is not the stuff their character is made of. A far more joyous perspective is to invest some time in finding out why they have made the choice. It shows you care, and that you see them as they are - an individual - not a mindless member of a super group.

In our big and blended family, we are very diverse. 

And one of the best ways we can show our love and respect for each of them is to allow for those differences. But we have always stressed one important caveat: The most important thing to know WHAT you believe, but rather, WHY you believe it.

Debate helps us to bring definition to the why. So don't cower from it.
Celebrate it. Just know the why.

Cheers.

Silly Groundhog...Shadows are not scary.

"Wherever you go, no matter what the weather,

always bring your own sunshine." -Anthony J. D'Angelo

Groundhog Day all centers on a rodent, a hole and how said rodent reacts to seeing its own shadow. 

The coming observation got me to thinking about shadows, even our own shadows, and why they might convince a rodent or a human that we were not done with the worst of the winters of our lives.  What is it in a shadow that can be that dark and scary?  After-all, we know they appear, and especially when there's light around.  But unlike our own clear reflection in a mirror or pond, shadows don't have definition and detail.

They are only the outlines of an image, and if we didn't know where they came from, we might think they are a monster.

I've been thinking that the literal shadow which scares the rodent enough to convince him it's not the time to come out of his hole can be much like the figurative shadows which can haunt us into believing we need to stay 'holed up' as well. Those opaque images that seem to appear whenever we shine the light of consideration of opportunity, or when we drag out an issue too long in the basement of our soul.  Unlike Mr. Punxsutawney Phil, we might decide to descend them for much more than weeks, where they are potentially forever forgotten, and never revealed.  There, they remain only shadows. Not allowed to be drawn out and developed into something more - something real.

So perhaps we should take a tip from Phil, and be more gentle about how we let our shadows emerge.  

Rather than allow some harsh spotlight to blow up the shadow, just rely on the natural light that surrounds you to bring it out.  And rather than see our shadows as a scary, unknown enemies - make friends with your shadows, because they are a reflection of everything you are.

Don't be a silly Rodent and run from what you know.  

Look it in the eye and make shadow puppets instead.

Cheers.

The Struggle IS real, and YOU could be a part of easing it.

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~Plato

I have always loved this quote because it doesn't pull any punches.

Each moment of our lives, someone, somewhere, is in need of kindness. Every day people endure stressful jobs, complicated relationships, and backbreaking responsibility. Every day people battle life-threatening disease, face uncertain futures, and struggle to survive.

You don’t have to eradicate world hunger. Simply do something good every day.

Making a difference often takes time, and our kindness may not grow roots until long after we’ve fertilized the flower beds. Focus on the act of giving, rather than the results of your actions. Detach from the outcome, and you’ll be free to make a difference in ways you never imagined. It’s not the results that soothe our souls; it is the action of being kind.

In a complex world, kindness has incredible power.

It is humbling to think that I have so much to give when the truth is I have so much more to learn.

Don't let the manic of Monday distract you from learning more about being an easer of pain.  Go slowly. Breathe, smile and be present. Seek opportunities to make a difference, embrace the moments, and be grateful for every choice you make. Let the tickle of knowing you took a risk versus ignoring a need make you chuckle a little.

So how about it? Get a little crazy with your kindness this week.

Cheers.