Looking for Gratitude in all the 'Rut' Places...

New Garden decor, courtesy of nature.

 "Getting in a rut is dangerous; after all, a rut is just a grave with no ends."

~Anne Grady

Have you ever been in one of those life places where everyone allows you just to be in a rut?

I really know what that is like. I went through some really terrible things 8 years ago, and no one blamed me for being sad. I didn't blame myself either frankly. I've never been one to admit weakness or seek out attention, but the very public circumstances made it impossible to hide. I know that I did not set out to find a rut. In fact, I actively sought ways to remain out of one. But I did begin to see that the very pained and sorrowful parts of my aching soul did like to go back to rut-like places. And I had to admit finally that no one was going to pull me out or even push me out. Partly because they understood and gave me permission.

Ah, but that doesn't make a 'rut' anymore pleasing or healthy.

Staying in your 'rut' by your own accord only means you've knowingly decided to get comfortable there. To settle. I began to be grateful for this acceptance of my rut, which justified never having to climb out of it. I was kinda proud of myself for finding ways to be grateful, although I was only digging a never ending grave, as the quote above states.

Then, just when I thought I was going to be okay in my rut, I caught a glimpse of what was outside of it...

I made a few changes in my life, and the renewed vitality awakened something that had been dormant for me. Yes, I still hurt. Yes, I still sensed a hole in my soul. But I began to believe that I could take the discomfort of breaking out of the rut again. So I did.

The path was not as soft and without challenge as my 'rut' had been.

I had to watch for holes under the tall grass, and there were plenty of slippery places. But I worked on my balance and strengthened my weak emotions. I sought out the advice of those who had done this before me. I listened and I decided. And I found new and beautiful things outside of the rut.

New things to be grateful for. 

Things that had been there all along, just waiting for me to find them again. Like the wind whirly I found this week when I decided to walk through a field instead of staying on the path. They had been blown there by a storm, doomed to be trash. But now they are a treasure in my garden.

Your rut might be different than mine, but it's still a rut. 

Why not step out today? You might find a treasure.

Cheers.

When all you've got is time to think.

"The trouble is, you think you've got time..." 

~Unknown

This quote was once attributed to Buddha but later discovered not to be one of his. It's a good one, though, and a thought that I've found myself going back to often. Especially since the death of my 27-year-old son eight years ago this April. When you are hit with the only imagined, and it's not imagined, but real, you become paralyzed. Then you begin to move again, slowly, and you come to an allegorical fork in your road.

And it takes a little bit of time to decide which way to go.

Despondent and depressed is an option. Not a soul will blame you. Well, a few who have been long looking for reasons to disparage a person will show false pity, but most will just nod and walk away. It's certainly acceptable in these kinds of times. You can live in sympathy until you live no more.

But your mind keeps thinking, because, in the numbness, it's all you've got.

And in your thoughts, you begin to consider that perhaps you might just live a long time. And in that long time, you can do something to bring good from a dark moment. The end of a life cut too short, as it always is too short, can be extended to your life. 

So you become grateful for each day.

Every day you wake up, every minute you breathe is another opportunity to repair or restore. It's okay to wait at the fork or even take the desolation path for a bit. But come back to the path that seeks a life filled with gratitude. Gratitude brings hope. Hope sparks possibility. Possibility continues life, and the opportunity to learn from all you've experienced. 

Live with an attitude of gratitude today.

Cheers.

The Joyous Simplicity of Authenticity.

A Human WYSIWYG: What you see should be what you get....

As the quote describes, authenticity is a significant part of our ability to connect to our world and to grow. But just wanting it does not increase it. In fact, the harder we try to be authentic, the more we may find ourselves faking it. With the advent of Social Media and Instant Sharing, our perception of what is authentic has changed. Today, with most things feeling transparent, authenticity is something more nuanced, which can begin to feel quite complicated.

So here's one minute of joyous perspective on getting back to pure authenticity in your life...

Get back to the traditional meaning of authentic.
It’s what we expect and not overly inventive. Consider the 'farm to table' movement. This is a very traditional lifestyle. I lived it most of my life. Farm to table is traditional food: no California fusion. It's straightforward and non-focused on looking cool. If you are adding more steps then you are removing between you and the source, you are losing the authenticity. Remove steps.

Authenticity is about grit, not success.
People paint such rosy images of themselves, especially online. Constant self-promotion is annoying. My favorite blog posts are those that talk about personal struggle. We find our true selves when we go through a difficult time, which means we are best able to show our true selves while we are going through it. Share struggles.

Authenticity is about caring what other people think of you.
Authenticity is a critical factor in career and relationship success. It’s a commitment to understanding how people see you and then adjusting what you want to project. The ability to be authentic requires two parts: self-awareness and knowing how others see you. Most of us are better at one than the other. So begin with deciding which half you are stronger in so you can work on the other one. Ask a good and trusted friend. It's risky but worth it. Open up.

Authenticity is short and simple.
I was recently talking with someone about writing with more soul, and they summed it up with, 'write shorter'. We all have a pile of things we want to say, but if you dump them in a post or conversation, it’s actually putting a wall up between you and the reader/receiver. Authenticity is the unfettered back and forth between us that reveals something new. Talk less, listen more.

Authenticity really is quiet, intimate listening: Listening and responding and caring. 

Authenticity is stark and straightforward and unfettered, and it probably doesn’t need a lot of self-promotion. Because authenticity is magnetic. It makes everyone lean in closer.

Lean in. Get real.

Cheers.

Striving for perfection is easy. It's harder to be real.

"When people show you who they are, believe them the first time."

~Maya Angelo

I found myself swaying in the car to an old song by a soul artist named Cheryl Lynn called "Got to Be Real". I started thinking about being real. It sounds so simple, and yet in the same way Ms. Lynn belted out her declaration, it can be anything but effortless. The definition of 'real' has to have its foundations in defining real from imitation. First, you have to know the real...

Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.

Your authentic self is the real you. It's the complete package, all working together and supporting the real person. To fully feel the love and connection we all yearn for, we have to show people who we are. And then, we have to accept who they are. 

That means giving them the safe place of acceptance so they can show themselves to you.

It is not an easy practice, and it will often take many starts and stops. But when it happens, it's priceless. So today, instead of pushing hard to strive for perfection, push a little harder to become realer. Here are a few good places to begin:

• Own your real story, and share it with a few trusted others. 
• You'll find yourself sometimes hidden underneath the details.
• Set a daily intention to be more authentic.
• Take prayer and meditation time to be real with yourself.
• Trust your gut.
• There will be those who can’t handle the most authentic you. Trust your intuition and follow it anyway.
• Forgive yourself.
• It wasn’t until I was able to forgive myself that I was finally free to move past the mistakes I had made. I was finally able to move forward and become my true authentic self and tell my story.

Live today to be real, and free others to do the same.

Cheers.

The Times, They Are A-Changin'...

"Better three hours too soon than a minute too late." 

-William Shakespeare

It's day 3 of the work week that has been besieged by the dreaded Daylight Savings Time. Perhaps you've found yourself fallen into one of these little annoyances:

• You forgot to set the coffee maker timer forward, so the coffee brewed an hour early, stopped warming an hour early, and the coffee is cold.
• You spend 15 minutes turning the microwave off and on, trying to figure out how to set the clock. You eventually decide who cares, microwaves don’t need clocks anyhow, only timers.
• You long ago gave up trying to reset the clock in your car and are shocked to see that it has the right time - which goes to show that we don’t need to change the time to be right, at least, half of the time.
• Some folks arrive for work an hour late because they forgot to spring forward. Some folks come two hours late because they thought it is Spring back…Fall forward.   You can tell who they are because they are the grumpiest.

And now for a message from the reality of time.

Maybe we should live by this clock.

On the inside of all this havoc over changing the clock, is the realization of just how tied to the clock our lives can be. We tell ourselves how important 'time management' is to our success - and yet - if there ever was something we kid ourselves about it's that we control how much time we have. We ascribe to the importance of the clock to stay above the fray of disorganization. But knock knock and tick tock: There's only so much time in the hourglasses of our lives, so why waste time fretting about the time change?

Let's find a way to capitalize on this silly concept.

What time it is isn't as vital as what we are investing that hour toward in our days. There are still 24 of these hours in our day, and ours to use the best we are able. Let's stop today, on the 'hump day' of our week, and not continue to say "I've lost an hour."

You can't lose something that wasn't ever really there. Just make what you've got left count and multiply.

Cheers.

Appreciate YOU - Flaws and All.

“Who does not thank for little does not thank for much.” 

-Estonian Proverb

Almost a year ago, I decided it was time to face the music. 

I was very unhealthy, and I was 55 years old. I had four grandchildren who I wanted to see grow up. I started working on a project to heal my unhealthy self. It was hard and slow in the beginning. I remember thinking to myself during this time, "It doesn't make sense for this not to work. Have faith." Have faith, have faith....

And then one morning I was drawn to stand in front of the mirror and place one hand on my stomach and the other hand over my heart. I took a deep breath and said to my body, "Thank you for taking care of me."

Would age deter me? Was there more to those lines in my face? Then I touched the skin of my cheeks to feel their warmth and said, "Thank you for your resilience."

Had I destroyed my body's ability to bounce back? Then I touched my hands, my fingers, my wrists: "Thank you for your strength."

Could I ever believe myself again, since I had gone back on so many promises? Then I touched my throat, saying, "Thank you for your truth."

I ended the practice with a simple thank you. "I love you."

I decided to find a joyous perspective. 

The world wages a battle for an image that pronounces perfection. It's tempting to give in to it. I'm not immune.

I’ve always found it so easy to glance briefly in the mirror and only see what I dislike. But my flaws become harder to see when I feel the steady beat of my heart and the muscles beneath my skin that make my life as I know it possible. A wrinkle or sag doesn’t seem as important when my chest rises and falls beneath my hand during a mighty breath. Life is winning.

I still have mornings when I wake up and am not pleased with what I see in the mirror. However, I now also have mornings when I feel complete gratitude for what my body allows me to do and who I’m able to be.

I look at my eyes in the mirror and instead of seeing bags under my eyes,  I see kindness. I see courage and determination.

Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for your resilience.

It’s incredibly easy to be critical of ourselves, and so extremely vulnerable to embrace our bodies, wrinkles, cellulite and all.

The next time you feel insecure, try reconnecting to yourself with a simple touch. Touch reinvigorates us with the energy that runs through our veins, our skin, our organs.

Thank you for your strength.

Place one hand over your heart and the other on your stomach and breathe in and out, feeling the healing impact of your breath on your body.

Thank you for your truth.

Stay there for several breaths, eyes open or closed.

When you’re ready, say,"thank you."

When you’re ready, say, "I love you."

Flaws and all. Supporting all actions that bring healing.

Cheers.

1 year of loving you can make a difference.

Words Are Like Air. It's easy to take them for granted.

"Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble." 

- Yehuda Berg

I've been doing a lot of thinking about words this week. And because I know there is nothing new under the Sun, I went looking for existing wisdom on the subject. As I said to Chris a few days ago, I'm glad I've learned the value of going to people who had experience on a subject instead of just being self-assured in my abilities. I found there's been a lot written on the subject. 

Many words have been written to express the power and correct us of words.

As I dug through the treasure trove of thoughts, I realized I simply could not use everything I found. So I decided to use today's One Minute of Joy to share with you some of my favorites, and why.

It's important not to overreach when you are attempting to express yourself:

“Don't use words too big for the subject. Don't say infinitely when you mean very; otherwise you'll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite.” 

― C.S. Lewis

Yeah, save it for something more important than your Facebook update or a Tweet.

Even in these days of word gluttony, actions still speak louder:

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."

 -John F. Kennedy

It still means more to show someone your gratitude or care than to just say it.

Words framed in the right way can calm a contentious soul:

A soft answer turns away wrath,

    but a harsh word stirs up anger. 

- Proverbs 15:1

All points don't need to be proven. They are soon forgotten anyway. Preserve peace instead.

When you share words, check your attitude:

"People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude." 

- John C. Maxwell

Remember, the meaning of your words are in the ears of the beholder.

Editing is an excellent tool:

"Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace." 

-Buddha

Reduce your words. Then edit again. And again.

Words can influence friends, but also enemies of the soul:

“But if thought corrupts language, language can also corrupt thought.” 

― George Orwell, 1984

Have a healing intent, not a deadly one with your words.

Words can be weapons wielded by cowards:

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts,

    but the tongue of the wise brings healing. 

- Proverbs 12:18

There's nothing more painful to watch than a cyber bully. Be a hero, not a villain.

Words should not be taken for granted. Cherish their use, and your ability to use them, every day. 

Cheers.

A woman who truly understood the value of words.

Looking At Grief: Right in the eye.

"If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong." 
(Pink, 'Who Knew')

In one month, April 9th, it would have been my son Seth's 35th birthday. Even after eight years of his absence, the uncanny way I seem to feel this fact still astounds me. One minute, I'm driving down Prospect Avenue singing to the radio, looking forward to getting home to Chris and the dog. Then the next moment, a song comes on, and I'm reduced to tears. 

But this time, something rose up within me.

A little bit of Pink's rebel attitude maybe, but also a lot of my growing understanding of how to manage my grief. Yes, I said manage, although grief is a bitch that is in a particular category of unruly. I bit my lip and said audibly, "No." Grief, like many of the unruly in life, won't respect you unless you look at it - straight in the eye.

"I'll keep you locked in my head until we meet again

Until we, until we meet again

And I won't forget you, my friend..."

And I refuse to look away.

This morning, Eddy and I determinedly widened our walk to include the very street where we held Seth's Visitation. The first place where I saw his empty shell of a body in a casket. No Grief. I will no longer avoid streets and places because of you. They are just as much a part of my son's history as the place where I first held him in my arms.

"That last kiss

I'll cherish

Until we meet again..."

And I do remember it.

And the secure way he looked back as he headed down the ramp to the plane. "I'll be alright Mom. You just be alright." Then he put his eyes forward and lived his life.

And now, so am I. Eyes forward. Looking life, and my grief, right in the eye. I intend to teach it a lesson and take everything from it that can make me somehow better.

Cheers.

Eddy in front of Morgan Funeral Home, Savoy (great folks btw)

The Fewer the Words, the Greater the Impact.

"You are never to old to set another goal or to dream a new dream."

-C. S. Lewis

 C. S. Lewis. He is one of my favorite authors whose words seem to be ageless. His works were published a hundred or so years ago, and yet they still apply for today.  I was considering this morning how many of his finest works are analytical essays, but few in words and mighty in meaning.  I also remembered another relatively short document turned 150 years old: The Gettysburg Address, written by another person who influenced the lives of millions with his words. Lincoln was wrong that the world would take little note of his words, wasn't he?  273 words, written without consideration that they would be a legacy, but yet they have become one.  The power of the written word should never be diminished, and the spoken one never taken carelessly.

They may become our legacy one day.

Every day, via social media and online browsing, I read words that both blow my mind and make me flinch for the human who wrote them.  Not only do I see people using this wonderful freedom to express thoughts that may never have been heard beautifully, but also some who splash the most inane and inappropriate thoughts in a media that is much stronger and enduring than stone.  Stone and paper are not searchable and kept on a database.  Think of it folks.  In 200 years, my Great, Great Great Grandchildren might be reading these very words electronically.  What will they know of my from my tweets, my posts, and my responses?

Sobering isn't it?

Perhaps we should all take a moment to consider how we spray our thoughts in this rapid-fire electronic age.

I am inspired by the many great words of humans past to leave a small crop of words creating a mark that will, in turn, inspire someone else.  They will not tell all of my stories, as the Gettysburg address doesn't reveal the story of the Civil War's fight for freedom, but may they reflect some real part of who I tried to be.

"You don't have a soul; you are a soul. You have a body." - C. S. Lewis

Take care of both today, and their legacy.

Cheers.

What You'll Be Next is What You DO Next....

“What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now.”  ~Buddha

These words resonate for me in an intensely personal way. The importance of being in the here and now, of recognizing that every moment is an opportunity to wake up to what is happening and what is possible, saved my life. I have struggled with using food for comfort my entire life. I have lived a lifetime of yo-yo diets and moments of self-hate. I used to live between feeling desperate and determined at the same time not to let my size limit me. There were the excuses and stories, putting me further and further into a life that would be cut short by my health. But then, last February, it hit me: 
 “If not now, when?”

What was I waiting for?

If not now, when?

We all know the power of procrastination, which horribly persuasive voice that sits on our shoulder and says, “You can give up that cookie tomorrow,” “You can take better care of yourself next week,” “You can go to the gym next year.” “Yoga will be good for you when you are in your 60’s.”

And we also know what happens when we listen: we put off our goals for so long that we finally give up.

One thing I know for sure is that when I face resistance head on, acknowledge it, stroke it, coddle it, and then ask for help, things shift. The procrastination monster goes away and things begin to lighten up and happen. I know the same will happen for you. There is a helping hand out there to guide you through what often feels like a stopped stuck place.

 I know that there is always another chance, there is always the now in which anything can happen, anything can change, anything is possible.

Every day, the first thing I do is yoga and a walk with Eddy. I meditate and pray for those I love, the world around me, and remember the health that I now feel. I then go into my life knowing that today can be different and that by living this way I can be my most honest, loving, healthy self.

If not now, when?

Cheers.