Loyalty does not always beget loyalty.

"Not all eagles can be trained, but those who take to life with a master display intense loyalty. Although they are not tethered, they always return after killing their prey."

~Stephen Kinzer

Loyalty is a choice, and not often a natural one.

A close friend and I discussed this during this past weekend. The subject came about as we talked about being a member of a company and having firm loyalties to its success. The loyalty one feels, in the beginning, is a choice made to not only do a good job but to be outstanding. And, much like the Eagle from the quote above, as training mixes with time, we return for more instructions, even when the reward is beneath our expectation. Over time, we start to imagine, and finally, fully believe, that the same stalwart loyalty we have toward the company is reciprocated back to us. 

But like the Master who has goals beyond the scope of the Eagle - 

The company or institution has to look past us and be ultimately loyal to only itself. It's not only that we are replaceable, but also that loyal feelings can cloud your judgment. When you have to make business or difficult decisions, loyalty can be a burden. My friend and I both agreed that this is a hard lesson for most great employees to learn - but learn it and early they should. Not to tell them to be 'disloyal' or disconnected, but to know that loyalty ends where your more eminent loyalties begin.

Loyalties to those you hold most dear and who trust you most must come first. 

When we remember that our loyalty is a choice that we make to give to others and allow to grow, we won't expect everyone to be on the same level with their response to it. Loyalty is an action feeling. It can't be felt without being demonstrated. And certainly, even the most valiant and effort infused loyalty will not always beget the same loyalty back. 

And that, my friends, is really okay. 

It doesn't mean we stop being loyal.

We just realize that there could be a time when it becomes necessary for it to stop being an action-oriented choice.

Cheers.

When Finishing Means Saying Goodbye, It's Harder.

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

~A.A. Milne

I think we all can agree that saying goodbye is never easy.

And while the word “goodbye” has garnered a rather negative emotional connotation in society, there is another way, a more positive way, to perceive it. While saying goodbye does mean accepting that a part of our life is now over, it also provides us with a chance to realize just how blessed our lives have been.  You can look back and reflect on the journeys we’ve shared with some beautiful people, while being exposed to incredible and invaluable experiences we often take for granted.

Regardless of how long someone has been a part of our lives, whether it’s five minutes, five years, or five decades, their impact will always remain with us - even after we utter that simple, yet hard to say, two-syllable word.

This week, I have begun to say goodbye to many of the people I have formed strong relationships with during my tenure at a non-profit that serves people with Intellectual Disabilities. As I do this, regardless of the circumstances, saying goodbye means change and changes rarely come along with immediate acceptance.

The finality associated with saying goodbye is challenging. 

But it's an empowering word, enabling us to achieve closure and ultimately move on with our lives. It recognizes the importance of the time spent doing something or working together with others. It gives honor to the relationships. That's why it's such an important part of coming to the finish line.

The quote below, from Walt Disney, has continually provided me comfort on days when I’m feeling sad about leaving, and I need a little reminder of the blessings I’ve been bestowed, which no one can ever take away.

“Goodbye may seem forever. Farewell is like the end, but in my heart is the memory and there you will always be.”

When you get to take so much with you, it's a good thing, isn't it?

Cheers.

When you see the finish line, and you're wondering how it will feel to cross it.

But for each of us, isn't life about determining your own finish line? 

~Diana Nyad

I find myself at a time in my life right now when I am in transition with my career. I've made the decision to move from one position where I've developed skills I have wanted to explore for years, to another position that will bring many of my lifetime of experiences together. 

And to transition, I have to come to a 'finish line' and move forward. 

It feels strange, and a bit uncomfortable. It got me thinking about 'finish lines' in our life, and how I can put a joyous perspective on crossing them.

How can we cross them with a sense of success and completion of a goal? For those criteria to be met, I'll need something to evaluate. Which means it's time to realize what is important for a joyous perspective.

Most of us want to be successful, if not in monetary terms, then by our definitions.

We want to feel a sense of meaning, to do something worthwhile that we can be proud of. Something that matters to people. Something that will live on after we do.

And as looked ahead at my finish line, I saw myself forgetting to be present in the now. To truly finish well, the entirety of the journey counts. We often get so caught up in becoming who we want to be that we miss on being those people right now. We get so focused on striving - getting things done, crossing items off the to-do list - that we forget to enjoy simply that purpose that matters so much. We approach tasks like races, anxious to reach the finish line.

Sometimes when we move closer through achievements, we move further away in passion. We forget why we began the race in the first place.

Take the personal trainer who wishes he had more clients, so he obsesses about it all through his workout.

Or the gifted artist who works fourteen hours a day at graphic design so one day he’ll have enough money to paint more.

Or the Job Coach, who is so focused on not leaving anything undone that she overlooks the client in the parking lot who wants to tell her about his day.

Striving toward the finish doesn’t have to mean disconnecting from your bliss.

Even while I am coming to my 'finish line', I still love what I am doing. I can love it all the way up to the finish line, even beyond.

You can reach your goals, and you should keep doing those things that get you there, but your purpose doesn’t need to be something you reach. It can be something you feel and enjoy right now.

Do what you love today. Not to get anywhere, just to do it.

Cheers.

Why go it alone when you can go together?

What has changed is that people have stopped working together. ~Michael Bloomberg

There's a lot of simplicity in going it alone, isn't there?

No one to answer to. No one to let you down. No one to bug you. No one to disagree.

But life is often not a simple task of straight paths and light lifting. It's filled with insurmountable efforts and lofty climbs measured by wherever we set our sights. That's why we need others.

Because being unified with others gives us a strength that can be invincible. It's the action part of unity.

As I continue my quest this week on finding a joyous perspective on 'unity,' here are five powerful reasons to choose to be unified with others.

1. Collective wisdom. No one person ever has all of the answers, and regardless of the amount of Google-fu you may have, consulting with experts is always going to give you better information. Want to know about a different belief or lifestyle? How about going to the source?

2. Support and belief. Some days those big goals just seem impossible. On those days when you most want to give up, you need to lean on your community the most. They believe in you, probably more than you believe in yourself. Keep your cheering squad close.

3. New ideas.  When you are working within a community of like-minded people that the wisdom of crowds is considerably greater than any one person working alone. Our divergent world views and lenses mean that we all approach the same problem slightly differently. Sure, a cheering squad is important, but questioning your logic every once in awhile is vital to growth.

4. Borrowed motivation. Even on those days when your belief in yourself isn’t waning, doing what needs to get done can seem tedious. Look around your community and find some inspiration.

5.  Accountability. There’s nothing like having to be accountable to others to up your game and keep you honest. And if you're on the other side of this coin, don't be afraid to call someone on the carpet. You will be helping them to stay the course.

The best kind of unification brings us together with people who are very different from us. They can offer us balance and strength that we don't possess alone or with others like us.

So find some unity today.

Be stronger.

Cheers.

Out of Crisis: The opportunity to find unity

“Always seek out the seed of triumph in every adversity.”

 ~Og Mandino

I decided on Saturday afternoon, after finding myself tearful at the division in our world to focus on unity this week.

Not the flowery 'kumbaya' holding hands and buying the world a Coke. The kind of unity that sometimes requires digging down through the pain of misunderstanding, mistrust, and jaundiced opinions until you find the rock bottom of conventional truth. I was sensing that the drought of unity in our world, particularly in our United States, is bringing us to a very dangerous place. 

And then, I woke up Sunday to some tragic news.

Thousands of lives were changed early Sunday morning - Forever.

Every fear I face as a parent of young adults who are living their lives to the fullest came true for hundreds of Moms and Dads. A single human, motivated by fear, confusion and power, entered a night club in Orlando and took control over the lives of completely innocent humans. I awoke to the news, filled with questions. I turned to all of the standard resources to try and find them. And true to form, humanity reacted with much of the same fears and confusion that probably motivated that sick young man.

I wasn't surprised. I'd seen it before. Up close and personal. So have you.

 I've come to understand that some people are very inept and uncomfortable in dealing with human tragedy, and so, turn to their comfort zones when life gets ugly.

Why is it we immediately turn to looking for blame, looking for how 'everyone else' is responding poorly? It's as though in our ultra fear and anger, we reach beyond the pain and suffering before us to somehow try and use the tragedy to our will. As though we see some opportunity to ward off or bring on our comfort zones and viewpoint through the crisis.

So I went searching for wisdom, and I found it in Og Mandino.

Og never fails me. His words about seeking triumph in the worst of times, with an overwhelming wall of anger and heartache touched just the cord I needed for my joyous perspective message. Not only could I send thoughts of comfort and peace to the thousands of victims in this senseless act, but I could also strive to be triumphant in facing much adversity around me. If I make my goal to be unified with those who sought to come together against the fear, confusion and quest for raw power this act perpetuated, then eventually, the seeds will sprout. They will grow into an excellent fruit bearing unity.

Together, we can become a garden of comfort, strength, and support for our shared goals of freedom, life, and the pursuit of happiness. We can focus our efforts on healing the wounded. We can become stronger and smile in the face of terror. 

But we have to decide to break through the barriers between us. 

Plant the seeds of unity today. 

Let's break some ground.

Cheers.

Bravery means running to fear, not from it.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, 

but the triumph over it.” 

~Nelson Mandela

Sometimes, I am scared, and it feels liberating to admit it with brio.

It’s not about the things I need anyone to fix or take away. It’s not the result of ignorance, soon to be soothed by statistics and additional information. It’s not something I need to run from, hide, or transform into something more positive. It just is. I just get randomly scared.

Some would call it anxiety, but I think that term has become a surrogate
for just plain scared. And much like the best treatment for that ball of the scared inside of you at times, running to face it does feel freeing, doesn't it? It's the first step in getting rid of it.

But the thing you are scared about isn't always within arms reach.

Author Susan Jeffers wrote, “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” But sometimes there’s nothing we can do but wait.

Whether you’re six weeks away from surgery, or six months away from losing your home, or six years away from your children leaving your house, the future contains limitless possibilities for challenges - some we can anticipate and others we don’t yet know to predict. In these moments of being scared about the unknown, it often serves us best to transform that energy into something productive, like physical movement or activity. 

But sometimes the most useful thing we can do is sit with our scared feeling - to acknowledge it, humble ourselves before it.

Accept its challenge to be brave in each moment, as it comes.

Breathe in the scared, then breathe out with fierce bravery.

Run to it.

Cheers.

Walking with Bravery: Just this side of 'crazy'.

"She was powerful, not because she wasn't scared, but because she went on so strongly despite the fear."

~Atticus

Ever wondered if you could keep going because life felt so overwhelming?

I know I have. Those times when you are carrying a burden that straps itself to your back and tempts you to want just to sit down and never get up. You might even feel the gaze of others as they watch you continue down the path of your life, and you can hear their thoughts, "I don't know how she does it. I don't think I could keep going..." Why do we say that, even in our minds? It's as though we imagine that we are bestowing some compliment to the person. But we are just pulling them down more than we can ever really know.

The truth is, it's at these moments we might ask ourselves if we are capable or just crazy...

What is it to be brave enough to face the hardest parts of life without recoiling? You are not scared -  because it's impossible not to be unless you truly are mentally impaired. It seems that it's a choice to have an attitude of being brave. To pick up your chin and turn your eyes forward to keep walking. To step up on the stage not knowing all your lines, but believing you can improvise. Some may call it crazy, but I call it brave. 

My definition of being brave is walking just this side of crazy.

Believing in my capabilities; even when I am uncertain.

Because it's in that moment of uncertainty, that I am the bravest.

Cheers.