When it's time to evaluate, and accept.

“Make the best use of what is in your power and take the rest as it happens.” 

~Epictetus

Evaluations are a regular part of my life in employment and something that I am very used to by now.

Typically I get good scores and the evaluation includes plenty of praise and positive acknowledgment, along with whatever constructive criticism is appropriate to the work that is being evaluated. Usually I can look through the evaluation form, note what needs to be noted and move on. I can accept feedback when needed, use it appropriately, and in turn notice the strengths of others and acknowledge them along the way. I do pretty well, really.

Most days, doing pretty well is enough. But sometimes I get the feeling that there is something missing...

That I could still do better. That enough isn’t actually satisfactory. That if I’m not constantly evaluating how I’m doing and striving for something better, there’s something wrong. That in acknowledging others, my voice gets tired and there’s not much left for acknowledging myself. Even though I can plainly see the strengths in others and even verbalize them regularly, I don’t always notice and acknowledge them in myself. I have a tendency to want acknowledgment but brush it off when it arrives. 

I crave being recognized for doing well but hardly know how to react when that craving is satisfied.

I know I get caught up in our culture’s mantra of “more, better, faster” more often than I care to admit. We get so caught up in growing and getting better that we forget to honor the life we have right now.

What if I could take my usually positive outlook and mold it into a way of being that sets my default to accepting wherever I am in my job, or my relationships, or my life situation? 

What if I could celebrate what is?

Maybe accepting the perfection that lies beneath our struggles can help move us into space beyond what we think is possible.

A space that knows no limits and a space that is simply enough.

Period.

Cheers.

You're not done until you act like you are...

“If your heart is beating, if your lungs are breathing, if you are still alive… then it is not too late to do something kind, creative, generous, satisfying, and courageous. Today.”
~Alexandra Franzen

We all have those days. The ones where we are just really off our game.

I had one this past Monday. I had an incredibly wonderful weekend and had set my intention to write about a subject of a personal nature but one I thought would resonate with others. We went to bed early and when I arose at my traditional 5:00 A.M., I felt a little tired. The rest was a script for the typical unplanned Murphy’s Law day: Internet disrupted my Yoga practice, dog went crazy and barked incessantly during our walk, emails started going off at 6:45 with ‘urgent’ messages…. Suddenly, my intended subject seemed uninspired and misplaced. I think I actually growled out loud.

I pushed through the day by sheer determination, and it ended on a good note.

Thanks to the fact that I work with some very incredible humans, it was impossible for me to feel as though the day was a complete loss. But I struggled as I hit the pillow. I had not written my blog and I wondered if this might be a good week to skip it. I stretched out my arms and said audibly "I accept", a mantra I had preached on Sunday to a dear friend, and went to sleep thinking about letting go.

Anne Shirley was right.  Tomorrow is another day, fresh with no mistakes in it...

Tuesday was a better day. I chose a mantra for my Yoga practice of "I am open" and carried it with me through an unexpectantly delightful day. As I arrived home and took Eddy out for a treat walk in the refreshing Autumn afternoon, I was rushed with inspiration. Six simple words struck me, "The week is not over yet." It was only Tuesday, and I was rising like the Lotus through the seemingly impenetrable mud. 

In my increasingly older age, I wonder how many times I will have to be reminded of this lesson?

How many times can you recount that you pushed out your jaw and stated, "It's not over yet..."? You went for a walk or made a call or wrote a note and experienced something of a revival of mind and spirit? 

Just when we think the forces of nature and the unseen are against us, we find a way to turn it around through affirmation. 

It's a powerful reminder that we are not done until we decide to act like we are...

There is still time to make something good happen, no matter what has happened so far in the day. It reminds me that I don’t need to wait for a new day, a new week (or month or year) to decide to make it count. We have within our grasp the POWER, the very WILL to make the most of our time.

Today.

Are you done?

If you read this whole thing, I'd say nope...

Cheers.

Contagious Calm.... Catch it.

“Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” 

~Unknown

I remember it like it was yesterday. Flying out of L.A. during a violent storm....

And this was back in the days when I was not well acquainted with thunderstorms and their ability to diminish quickly. We were just over the California border, going toward Colorado, and the whole plane started bouncing. There were a few occasional shrieks and lots of worried faces. I was in a window seat, feeling a little shaky as I have never been what I would call a carefree flyer. I looked to my right, and my eyes met with something I did not expect. A very pleasant looking face on my co-traveler. A middle-aged woman (older than me at the time) who had vibrant eyes and a quiet smile. She saw my terror and remarked, "Now isn't this something? You'll have a good story to tell your guy when you land." I chuckled and said something about how I rather I didn't. We both laughed together and started a conversation. While the storm continued, we did not stop our pleasant conversation. Our voices resonated throughout the quiet plane as everyone waited for the next bolt of lightning to hit us.

But then, I noticed something. Other people started chuckling and talking together.

Even though the same bumpy and spectacular experience continued, our calm conversation seemed to be spreading. After about 20 minutes, the storm passed, and the Flight Attendants came around to offer free drinks. The couple in front of us turned to tell me and my co-travelers how much we had helped them to calm down. Soon a few others chimed in the same thing. I laughed and told them that I was every bit as scared as they were and my seemingly calm seatmate admitted the same!

It was a surreal experience, but it became apparent to me that calmness was contagious, even if I was only faking it.

My conversation with the woman next to me who had cleared her mind of what was happening around us helped me to clear my mind too. A calm, clear mind is often said to be like a still pond under a full moon. Unfortunately, our minds are not always clear. The surface is full of ripples that make it hard to see the bottom and distort the image of the moon. While these ripples are sometimes created by the wind or the environment, most of them are caused by rocks dropped into the pond.  Our rocks are created in our minds. They are emotions like anger, hatred, or fear. Often without realizing it we are always throwing these stones into our "ponds" - our thoughts - never letting them return to stillness. 

That day, I stopped for a minute and didn't keep throwing rocks. I wanted to, but I stopped instead.The waves calmed down on their own. And the stillness spread throughout those around us. 

I still think about that flight from time to time, but mostly when I’m flying. Perhaps I'll start practicing seeing a rock in my hand and see myself setting it down without a ripple.

I will catch some calm and let it spread.

It's contagious you know...

Cheers. 

Quietly, with focus...

"When was the last time you spent a quiet moment just doing nothing - just sitting and looking at the sea, or watching the wind blowing the tree limbs, or waves rippling on a pond, a flickering candle or children playing in the park?"

~Ralph Marston

I learn so much from the youngsters I get to work with each day...

While they might be considered with pity because they are living with Autism, they also have some amazing abilities we could all take a lesson from. One of my particular favorites is the steadfast way they can stop and get incredibly quiet in the midst of turmoil and chaos. They might put their hands up to their ears, or they might just pause and stare, but in that moment, they become quiet. And when you look in their eyes, you don't see emptiness. Far from it. You see a focus and absorption that denotes study and learning.  

It's taught me that I have a lot of trouble getting quiet, even when I stop talking.

I can close my mouth down and breathe, but narrowing my thoughts and focusing on what I am observing to just one thing is hard. My mind wants to get busy and becomes concerned about what I'm not doing or should be doing. What I am looking at reminds me of something I need to do or say. But these people, who are sensitive to noise and light so they certainly could become distracted, have shown me there is much to be gathered from focused observation. And it all starts with making yourself become quiet despite your surroundings.

It's following the leaf being blown down the path with your eyes...

Seeing a ripple in the water and watching it even out then seeing another one that follows. Being amazed by the way the sunshine flickers on the suncatcher. Not just for a few seconds, but for a few minutes. Stopping only when you have seen something new and absorbed it in your mind's library.

So what will you quietly focus on today?

Close your eyes, and when you open them, take a shot at it.

Quietly.

Cheers. 

To accept yourself, you might have to reject yourself...

"Every act of creation is first an act of destruction."

~Pablo Picasso

I've often heard it said that self-care is the road to self-love.

But as a person who gets much of my self-worth from giving to others, this thought made me uncomfortable. It seemed selfish (well, it is about self, after all) and something that would force me to miss out on an opportunity to help someone else. It wasn't until I came to a crossroads a few years ago and realized I was on the road to self-destruction that I considered I might want to rethink this.

I clearly wasn't self-focused enough. I was allowing the winds of life to blow me away.

So I sat down and evaluated what needed to go. What were the things that I could keep? What about my personage required to be 'destroyed' to allow me to 'create' the person I knew I needed to be. The person who deserved my 'self-love' and nourishment. And it had to start beneath the skin. While self-care can help us feel better in our skin and our body immensely, it will not fix everything that lies between our ears. Where it counts.

I had to begin to see myself as the healed person I believed I could be.

Spiritual activist Marianne Williamson wrote, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” I see how true this was for me. Reach beyond your comfort zone to discover the hidden potential within. Do whatever you find difficult to do, and realize that you possess more power than you had allowed yourself to believe. For me, it began with limiting my nutrition to only what would feed me adequately. Then, I moved to daily walks. Next, Yoga.

A couple of years ago, I would never have believed I could do this.

I thought I was too old and too weakened by life's circumstances to do this. As I have come out of the experience transformed, asking myself, “If I can do this, then what else am I capable of?” That lesson helps me tap into my power to overcome the challenges that I face every day.

So go ahead. What do you need to reject about yourself today?
What will you learn to accept?
What will you become through the process?
Cheers.

Feeling good - In your own skin.

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” 

~Proverb

Like many humans, I've struggled with my body image for most of my life.

A few years ago, when I decided that I was ready to reclaim my health, I knew I had to take an honest view of my condition. And, because the outward was such a focus put upon me by the world around me, I was tempted to start there and stay there. At 55 years old, I was beginning to see the wages of unhealthy living habits and excess stretching of the skin. Looking in the mirror, although determined to make this the very last time I had to make a concerted effort in this area, I was pretty despondent. How in the world would I ever recover and heal from the damage I had done?

It was at that seminal moment in time that I saw a flickering light.

It was in my eyes, shining through. It radiated from the tears and flowed from my smile. It was a beauty. Not the skin deep kind, but the inner type. It was a firestorm of gorgeousness just aching to explode out from me. When I closed my eyes, I felt that person who lived inside the skin. That person knew how to live healthier. No one needed to teach her anything. She knew what needed to do. And while right now, she didn't feel so great, she knew she had to start doing something very different....

I had to learn to feel good, in my own skin.

No matter how the skin looked to the eyes of those around me, I had to love what was inside of the skin. I had to want to take care of what was inside. I had to believe it could respond and be impacted by how I treated what was inside of it. 

Our skin is our home for our time on this Earth.

We should be profoundly grateful every single day that we have a body, which is our home and our vehicle in this lifetime. We can do so many things with our bodies: dance, swim, run, walk, talk, sit, move, hug our beloved, smile, eat, write, type, pick up objects, work, paint, cook, and so much more!

Instead of focusing on the color or shape of our eyes, which we may not like, we can concentrate on how fortunate we are that we can see. Instead of focusing on how skinny, thin, short, or fat our legs are, or how much cellulite we have, we can focus on how blessed we are that we can use those legs to get us places. 

When we appreciate what our body does for us, we can begin to understand why it deserves our care. 

We can go boldly forth taking steps to bring the insides into their best state so they will radiate from within us, giving us a confident glow that far outshines flawless skin.

We can be the best version of us.

Right in this very skin.

Cheers. 

Your destiny belongs to you.

“Never forget: This very moment, we can change our lives. There never was a moment, and never will be, when we are without the power to alter our destiny.” 

~Steven Pressfield

We all have the power to alter our destiny in the smallest and largest of ways.

And it begins with something we do every day: Decide. If you’ve ever wanted to take up a discipline, open a new business, stop an addiction, or start anything new, it’s the same for all. It's not simple in any way. The obstacles that often stand between you and your decision can be immense and cumbersome. They might take time and effort beyond what you currently have available to move or remove them. Therein often lies the problem. You see, most of us live in a reality that says once we decide something, it must now take place. And when it doesn't (within a reasonable amount of time) we begin to think that perhaps we were off in our decision, or it just 'wasn't meant to be...' - 

Come on now... We are talking about destiny here. Not whether or not your team wins the Series.

It was always meant to be if it's taken directly from your personal calling and interests. That's where the term 'altered' comes in when thinking of destiny. We might need to shift a few grains of sand or change a couple of timelines, but the destiny remains. The decision stands. 

What’s meant to be is supposed to be because you decide.

In my experience, what’s possible only becomes real once you decide on the inside and then act on what you feel outside. And I mean continue to act, not just for a short spurt that feels good. Not just when people are looking at you and cheering you on. In fact, destiny is quite a private thing in my opinion. Whenever I see people spouting publicly about 'living the dream,' I wonder how long this dream will last - this time. Destiny evolves, and you have to change course with it sometime. 

But it begins with the decision to go after it.

I'm not your Oracle, and I can't tell you what it is. But you know.

Go. It belongs to you.

Cheers. 

Don't be afraid to detour to a destiny.

"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves."

~William Shakespeare

Ever feel like you are being pulled toward your 'destiny'?

Funny how we give up our power to change the course of our lives so quickly. It's as though something so huge cannot be held in our hands. So much simpler to give responsibility to another force outside of ourselves. We imagine there must be a super-powered magnet somewhere dragging us along to where we belong during our lives. But I'm not made of metal, are you?

We get tongue-tied and anxious sometimes when we are faced with our potential destiny.

Kind of like George McFly in 'Back to the Future' when he has confronted the mother of his future children, Loraine. It's a scary and uncomfortable feeling when you just know you need to say or do something to get to your destiny, but life isn't allowing it. Really, though, is it life that isn't allowing it, or is it, like Shakespeare opined, within ourselves? 

Perhaps the magnet is in you, and it just needs to be charged.

Do you remember that spark you had as a child that was filled with dreams of your future destiny? It might seem like a far-out fairy tale now, but was it really that incredibly off from who you are? Have you allowed the path of life, with its pitfalls and twists to take you from what you want to fulfill and achieve? Your destiny magnet just needs to be rediscovered and given some proper attention. Where it is pulling you toward, and what could be more important than finding out?

I saw a sunrise developing behind me on my walk today with Eddy. 

I could either remain on my course or cut across the wet field to get to small incline and face it. I chose to take the cut, and I was not disappointed. The shot above can only partially depict the splendor.

Uncover your inner destiny magnet.

Go a little rogue.

Find your destiny.

Cheers.