Providing Support Is Not Often Warm and Fuzzy.

"When you replace 'I' with 'We' even illness becomes wellness."

~Unknown

Sometimes you just want to walk away from a hairy situation.

I found myself in one this week, and everything within me wanted to shout, "Okay, I've had it...!" It was not the first time this dear one had found themselves facing the dysfunction that is part of his family life, and certainly not the last I fear. I had faced much of it with him and had also been the source of some of the encounters, so this was far from surprising. Here I was again, being asked to not turn over the apple cart, to not get emotional, to just roll with it....

But perhaps like me, you are one of the 'stand your ground' types.

I'm better now, but for much of my life, I don't do well with backing off of a good confrontation. The more complicated, the better. It's as though I think I was born with some God-given right to set the record, and the actions, of others straight. Over the years, however, I've grown to understand that it is sometimes better to just take a deep breath and let 

You see, he and my other loved ones didn't need a Gladiator...

They needed a source of soothing support. Someone who would stand next to them and help them to think it through with healing rationality. It was necessary for me to put away my chain armor, and put on my cotton robe. That did not make me feel in any way more comfortable. In fact, it was downright painful and a little scary. I would be offering my dear one the kind of support he was asking for, and he needs, but I might be opening myself up to some arrows. That takes some healthy decision-making.

Providing support requires we be willing to endure some pains. 

Endure a few bruised egos and take a few sucker punches.

All in the name of getting someone else through a leg of their journey.

And you will grow a little wiser and stronger.

Cheers.

A Detour Can Be a Good Thing.

"Some may try to detour you, but never let them derail you." 

~Me, 2017

Have you ever had one of those feet fly out from underneath you moments?

The phone rings, and the voice on the other end states, "I have something to talk to you about." Or maybe, "Things just are not working out." Or, "We have decided we need to go a different direction." It's one thing if there is a forecast of a storm coming your way, but wholly another when it flies out of a clear sky that appears to be devoid of any turbulence. You might just gasp, or gulp - my favorite thing is to utter, "What?" as though I definitely heard them wrong. Some of us think we can change the ongoing course of a storm if we just challenge it hard enough. But most of the time, there is no mistaking it. There's a detour ahead, and it will not be your choice. It's being forced upon you.

I'd like to tell you that you should smile and face the wind, but it's not that easy.

Foisted detours are fraught with emotion, and often you find yourself unable to show those emotions as you would like adequately. You don't want to be 'that person' who lost it and melted down at hearing the hard redirect. So you gather yourself together like a load of dirty sheets and disconnect, moving forward even if in a haze. 

But as the dust is still settling, it occurs to you that you are not finished.

While whomever you interacted with sighs with relief to have that over with, you are left to survey the both the damage and the road ahead, This is the classic moment in time that may define you for a long while. Realizing you have both choice and power, both elements that you felt slip from you in the detour bestowed upon you. There is a road ahead, and while it may be a different one than you envisioned, it is still YOUR road.

So now is not the time to look backward. 

Eyes forward.

Set an intention on your destination.

You're not at the end, just a new kind of beginning.

Cheers.

While you're doing all that good stuff: Don't Forget You.

"You gotta nourish to flourish."

~unknown

We've all found ourselves caught up in taking care of others.

I'm one of those who believes that most people are innately good and want to help others. Yes, sometimes the motivation goes askew, or the desire to control through 'helping' can rear its head - but mostly, people want to come to the aid of those in need. Take the recent Hurricanes and flooding for instance. We chip in and help. 

Perhaps the problem arises because we 'expect' to find peace and happiness from doing this.

People wait to feel this cloud 9 elation as they pack up that truck with food or hit enter on the computer to give that cash. But the reality is that the good feeling is on the receiving end. You are emptying something - either your energies or your pockets.

When we can wrap our brain around this truth, we start becoming more aware of ourselves.

An awareness that is not a bad self-absorption, but more of insight into what we need to stay energetic. We remain conscious of our capacities and strength. We provide a place of insightful observation that takes our abilities into consideration. We are left feeling satisfied and peaceful, not spent.

This takes a conscious act of self-connection.

How about it? When was the last time you sat and let yourself breathe and connected with you? 

With all your compassion, can you find some self-compassion?

An intention is behind everything we do. Be self-intent and watch your power to impact grow. 

Cheers.