Can You Go With The Flow Of Your Life?

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” ~Lao Tzu

I have had to find (and am still finding) my balance of what truly makes me the valuable person that I am. 

Most of all, I have had to learn how to embrace the fluidity of life. I believe this is what Lao Tzu meant by his words.

I had to learn to stop fighting against the flow.

The illusion of “I am that” holds many of us captive in prisons of our own making. In the struggle to define ourselves as individuals, we often paint ourselves into lonely and sometimes dangerous corners. Gender, sexual orientation, politics, religion, race - although we may belong to a particular group, it is the over-identification with that group that separates us from the next individual. We become stunted in growth when we cling to these outward labels.

We can even become over-identified with the roles we play such as spouse, parent, or child.

What happens when circumstances change? 

Does this explain the ex-lover who can’t let go or the overbearing parent of an adult child? Our titles, our affiliations, and even our closest relationships don’t define the cores of who we are. “I am that” leads to stagnation. It blocks our journey to wholeness. We often fail to remember that our commonality is the only identification that matters.

Spiritual progression requires that we learn to welcome flow. 

What misguided visions of yourself do you hold?
What constraints have you placed around yourself to impede your own evolution?
What must you let go of to become who you might be?

Cheers.

Finding Your "To-Be List" vs. Your "To-Do List"

“Don’t equate your self-worth with how well you do in life.  You aren’t what you do. If you are what you do, then when you don’t…you aren’t.” 

~Wayne Dyer

As you crawl into bed, thump your pillow to make the perfect little cave for your head to rest in, 

You will pull the covers up tight under your chin, and let go of that big sigh that indicates the day is finished, how do you look back on the waking hours you just experienced? How do you measure the quality of your day? Most of us will measure our day by what we did. We will reflect back and count the things on the to-do list we were able to check off. The more check marks, the better.

How well we did will also come into play as we reflect back on our doing. 

The more praise we received for it, either the self-provided kind or that offered by others, the higher we rank our day regarding quality. We may compare our daily accomplishments to those of the people who trudged through the hours with us. “Did I do more or better than Jim, John, or Mary?” No matter how much we goofed up if Mary goofed up more than we can sigh with relief and call it a good day as we close our eyes for the night.

What happens, however, if you never got done what you wanted to get done? 

Most of us still measure the quality of our daily experiences, the quality of our lives by what we do, and what we accomplish on our list. We seldom determine the value of our life experience by how present we are or are not. We don’t stop ourselves from thinking of the ‘next thing’ vs. focusing on this special minute. We allow the list to rule us. We become it's robots.

Rather thank the owners of it.

What would happen if we started doing that?

The list would be much shorter.

But perhaps a lot richer.

Cheers.

Remember: We Are All Works In Progress.

"If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be."

~Maya Angelo

Warning, Egg-Head alert - The Brain is a pretty fantastic organ.

In my current life, I am doing a whole lot of learning about the brain and how it learns. I've long been fascinated by the way in which people react to each other and their circumstances, but my perspective remained in the realm of emotional health. When I decided to pursue my education in Behavioral Therapy and Psychology, I have become exposed to how the physiology of the brain plays a dominant role in human relationships and responses.

Our brains are soaking information up like dry sponges for the first two years.

And they take that information and form a foundation for our future learning adventures. This does not mean, however, that the brain just stops and remains the same from there. It's not only potential deterioration, disease or development that may change the mind and how it works either. The brain takes in every interaction and experience we gather our entire lives and uses that to form a new determinant belief or learning premise. 

The more we challenge it, the more it keeps growing.

Even those of us who encounter dementia or psychological illness will keep learning if we don't stop exercising our brain. Those who just stop and remain in a chair staring out a window will also continue developing, but only not in distinct ways. Our minds never stop learning, until we cease to breathe in oxygen, a vital brain nutrient. Then, the work of the brain is done.

So when you encounter another human, remember - They are a work in progress.

Keep planting seeds and challenging, you'll be helping them.

Oh, and do the same for you while you're at it.

Cheers.

When It Is Time to Cut It Out...

"Eliminate what does not help you to evolve."

~Unknown

I am getting my Gall Bladder removed this week.

That's not something I would usually bring into a piece of my philosophical sharing, but in my regular Joyous way, I have found some meaning in the decision. In a phone call with a dear one yesterday as I delivered the news, he exclaimed, "But Mom, it's a body part. Shouldn't you try to find a way to save it?!" That had not occurred to me you see because this 'body part' had become quite annoying and prohibitive to me over the past several days. However, I did ponder his concern in honor of his thought. In his sincerity, he did not have all of the information I did in making my decision.

This little old body part had become a rather big deal in my life.

This 3-inch organ had shown me it had the power to completely incapacitate me when the right conditions existed. I had never had such an experience. After the 'attack' was finished (oh, and it is an all-out attack) I was left exhausted and feeling as though I had just endured a long battle (I had). My very full life does not allow for such complete time stealers to remain present. So, after a visit to the Surgeon, I agreed - the little organ has to go.

We encounter many of these kinds of little monstrous things in our lives, don't we?

It can be a happenstance relationship that becomes fixed and begins to sap your energies. It can be a relationship that has been long a part of you but really isn't vital and now has grown injurious. It can be an activity that you once thought you could control that has now begun to control you. Like the Gall Bladder, they may serve a purpose, and that purpose may appear to be significant. But if they are incapacitating you from being who you were created to be, if they are preventing your evolution,  then they may need to be removed.

Might be time to call a Surgeon - or some other support.

Even the modification required may be worth the loss.

Consult your wisdom then decide.

Cheers.

Providing Support Is Not Often Warm and Fuzzy.

"When you replace 'I' with 'We' even illness becomes wellness."

~Unknown

Sometimes you just want to walk away from a hairy situation.

I found myself in one this week, and everything within me wanted to shout, "Okay, I've had it...!" It was not the first time this dear one had found themselves facing the dysfunction that is part of his family life, and certainly not the last I fear. I had faced much of it with him and had also been the source of some of the encounters, so this was far from surprising. Here I was again, being asked to not turn over the apple cart, to not get emotional, to just roll with it....

But perhaps like me, you are one of the 'stand your ground' types.

I'm better now, but for much of my life, I don't do well with backing off of a good confrontation. The more complicated, the better. It's as though I think I was born with some God-given right to set the record, and the actions, of others straight. Over the years, however, I've grown to understand that it is sometimes better to just take a deep breath and let 

You see, he and my other loved ones didn't need a Gladiator...

They needed a source of soothing support. Someone who would stand next to them and help them to think it through with healing rationality. It was necessary for me to put away my chain armor, and put on my cotton robe. That did not make me feel in any way more comfortable. In fact, it was downright painful and a little scary. I would be offering my dear one the kind of support he was asking for, and he needs, but I might be opening myself up to some arrows. That takes some healthy decision-making.

Providing support requires we be willing to endure some pains. 

Endure a few bruised egos and take a few sucker punches.

All in the name of getting someone else through a leg of their journey.

And you will grow a little wiser and stronger.

Cheers.

A Detour Can Be a Good Thing.

"Some may try to detour you, but never let them derail you." 

~Me, 2017

Have you ever had one of those feet fly out from underneath you moments?

The phone rings, and the voice on the other end states, "I have something to talk to you about." Or maybe, "Things just are not working out." Or, "We have decided we need to go a different direction." It's one thing if there is a forecast of a storm coming your way, but wholly another when it flies out of a clear sky that appears to be devoid of any turbulence. You might just gasp, or gulp - my favorite thing is to utter, "What?" as though I definitely heard them wrong. Some of us think we can change the ongoing course of a storm if we just challenge it hard enough. But most of the time, there is no mistaking it. There's a detour ahead, and it will not be your choice. It's being forced upon you.

I'd like to tell you that you should smile and face the wind, but it's not that easy.

Foisted detours are fraught with emotion, and often you find yourself unable to show those emotions as you would like adequately. You don't want to be 'that person' who lost it and melted down at hearing the hard redirect. So you gather yourself together like a load of dirty sheets and disconnect, moving forward even if in a haze. 

But as the dust is still settling, it occurs to you that you are not finished.

While whomever you interacted with sighs with relief to have that over with, you are left to survey the both the damage and the road ahead, This is the classic moment in time that may define you for a long while. Realizing you have both choice and power, both elements that you felt slip from you in the detour bestowed upon you. There is a road ahead, and while it may be a different one than you envisioned, it is still YOUR road.

So now is not the time to look backward. 

Eyes forward.

Set an intention on your destination.

You're not at the end, just a new kind of beginning.

Cheers.

While you're doing all that good stuff: Don't Forget You.

"You gotta nourish to flourish."

~unknown

We've all found ourselves caught up in taking care of others.

I'm one of those who believes that most people are innately good and want to help others. Yes, sometimes the motivation goes askew, or the desire to control through 'helping' can rear its head - but mostly, people want to come to the aid of those in need. Take the recent Hurricanes and flooding for instance. We chip in and help. 

Perhaps the problem arises because we 'expect' to find peace and happiness from doing this.

People wait to feel this cloud 9 elation as they pack up that truck with food or hit enter on the computer to give that cash. But the reality is that the good feeling is on the receiving end. You are emptying something - either your energies or your pockets.

When we can wrap our brain around this truth, we start becoming more aware of ourselves.

An awareness that is not a bad self-absorption, but more of insight into what we need to stay energetic. We remain conscious of our capacities and strength. We provide a place of insightful observation that takes our abilities into consideration. We are left feeling satisfied and peaceful, not spent.

This takes a conscious act of self-connection.

How about it? When was the last time you sat and let yourself breathe and connected with you? 

With all your compassion, can you find some self-compassion?

An intention is behind everything we do. Be self-intent and watch your power to impact grow. 

Cheers.