Are you hurt? Perhaps it's in what you expect.

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and 

what you do are in harmony.” 

~Mahatma Gandhi

Ignoring a hurt is even worse than ignoring physical pain. 

They can both put you in a hospital.

It's important to acknowledge a hurt. But sometimes very scary.

You fear that the depths of it might be diminished. Raise your hand if you have ever said this or had this said to you after disclosing a hurt you are dealing with: “You’ve just got to be positive.”

If only it were that easy to turn off that negativity switch in your head permanently, and dial up the one labeled “sunshine and rainbows” to 24/7.  By the way, my joyous perspective does not mean being eternally 'happy.' Joy can often include a somber viewpoint. For someone who’s dealing with a deep hurt -  like depression, heartbreak, or even major self-doubt, and isn’t ready to put on the rose-tinted glasses just yet, pretending to be positive and smiling isn’t going to work. In fact, it's unhealthy.

A very real hurt will not be healed with a simple change of attitude.

Sometimes, life does feel like crap. It’s okay to feel that way. Having a joyous perspective tells me that life doesn’t have to feel happy, positive, and relaxed all the time. I’m not asking you to wallow in self-indulgent pity indefinitely, but to be present with this emotion, giving yourself time to experience and respect it. Forcing yourself to jump on the positivity bandwagon when you feel like crawling into a cave may even create more feelings of confusion and disconnectedness (I’ve been there, done that), and distract you from the things you should be doing to get better.  And this type of healing requires action, not just thought.

But before you take any action - manage your expectations.

Gandhi's words above have a basis in the principle of balance. It is when our unrealistic beliefs, goals or feelings are completely out of alignment with our control that we find some of our deepest hurts. We get hurt because we sometimes fall into the trap that life is like a math problem or a recipe. Especially when we believe that we know exactly what a situation or relationship requires.

But people are not integers or simple ingredients. They change, and they can be unpredictable.

Are you ready to address a very real hurt in our life? To put it aside, for good? Then align your actions:

• Recognize the hurt and where it came from without assigning guilt.

• Realize and accept what holding on to the hurt is blocking you from (unity, another's joy, freedom).

• Let it go, but don't expect anyone else to act in kind. You can only control you and your hurt.

Who knows, you just might be able to read that 'power of positive thinking' poster your friend sent you and chuckle.

Cheers.