Rise, Even If You Don't Shine.

“Never be afraid to fall apart because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along.” - Rae Smith

Have you had your Phoenix moments or cheered someone on who has?

The place when we needed the most encouragement wasn't in the rising. It was in the moments when they were the ashes. Those are the true ‘comeback decision’ times.  As the legend of the Phoenix points out, the bird burns up without a future commitment to ever reappear.  In fact, there might be more than one pile of ashes out there that holds a Phoenix, which just decided to stay put.  People walk by the pile and perhaps shake their heads.  Such a shame, they could do so much more, but then that thing happened to them or they made that wrong choice, or they got ensnared in that terrible habit, or they just can’t get it together…

The Phoenix hears the voices from the pile, and they wrestle with the facts.

That thought process before the comeback decision is nothing short of a personal war and struggle. It's a difficult place if you're in the cheering section too. It can bring you much pain and discouragement. But not even the pain brought on others can be enough to sway the Phoenix firmly ensconced in ashes to make that comeback decision, especially if there is a risk they might not ever shine to the same former glory.  They think it might be best just never to have tried then to attempt to and fail.  It’s comfortable in the ashes.  Platitudes won't work for them. The decision has to come from within the ashes.

What makes a Phoenix wake up one day and just say, “It’s time…”?

Perhaps it's putting aside thoughts of a glorious comeback and just being fine with a merciful slide out of the ash pile.  It’s accepting that those who are rooting for your reappearance just want you to be back, not necessarily with great shiny strength, but just be back.  Back to rebuild the true you. The comeback decision takes more mercy than it does presumption of victory.  Mercy that gives you permission to forgive and move ahead.  Mercy that accepts a change.  Mercy that recognizes weakness and asks for help.

Mercy that says ‘Rise, even if you don’t shine…Just rise.’.

Cheers.

Watch for the Potholes in the Road to Your Potential....

Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence - is the 

key to unlocking our potential. - Sir Winston Churchill

Growing up in California, I experienced potholes on dirt roads along a ditch bank or country intersection.  They could do some damage if you were going fast enough, but they were nothing like the snarling and vicious asphalt lined monsters we have out east.  In my years here in Illinois, I've never seen anything like it. The weather coupled with a poorly supported road surface makes for a perfect pothole breeding ground.

A Pothole is sort of a symbol of the aftermath of a trauma in the road.

It is a weak part in the foundation that when stressed or pressured gives way and just gets bigger.  Now we just don't have a crack or scar - we have ourselves a pothole.  A place where at the very least there will be a shocking disruption, and at the most, it can swallow up our progression.

In my life, I've had to patch up many a pothole that emerged in my foundation or path.

Some of them are still evident and I'm working on keeping them filled while I wait for better weather.  How about you? Do you have some potholes that seem to catch you up?  Like all roads that have any use and have been weathered by time, every human has cracks and bumps that give us our unique character. They tell our story. We just have to be sure that we don't let the wrong elements invade the recesses of our existence because there will be stresses and repeat pressures in our lives, 

and therein lies the right recipe for a pothole.  

Maybe this is the year that you completely remove your Potholes, those literal and allegorical.

Look for the  right conditions to tackle even the worst and deepest of them, and then never take for granted the preparations required to prevent their resurgence.

Cheers.

What's the Shape of Your Body of Relationships?

Man is a knot into which relationships are tied. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Relationships are the parts that make up the body of our lives.

They are different and distinct parts of our existence. Each has an important purpose that we can choose to nurture or neglect. Some with potential harm to us if ignored. Here's a little list I put together taking this analogy further for your consideration:

• Blood relationships:  These can be life-giving or tainted.  Must be fed and monitored.  Can change on you quickly and become poisoned or weak.
• Bone relationships:  They are your structure that holds you together.  If there's a break, it takes time and care to heal, but they must mend for you to walk correctly again.  If you decide to avoid the cast, you'll be stricken with a limp that you will eventually not be able to hide.
• Appendage relationships: Arms, legs, feet, handsGive and take relationships.  The movement that brings you to action. They keep you from being stagnant.  
• Muscles and Ligament Relationships: Give us strength and endurance, but can also be painful.  Need to be stretched and exercised, or they start to get flabby and disappear, which isn't good because they keep us challenged.
• Vital Organ relationships: These are those you can't live without.  You might lose a piece - and save enough to continue - but you'll always notice the absence.  They can be damaged, and this will upset the whole of your life system.  They are fewer in number because they take so much energy and attention to sustain.  They also need you as much as you need them, an important distinction from the others.
• The Extra baggage relationships: Wrinkles, blemishes, stretch marks and cellulite.These guys are there to remind you that nobody's perfect.  They usually come alongside some other relationship and are just part of the deal.  We do what we can to make them not be the focus of our life, but they can take a great deal of unnecessary attention.  We can neglect the other more important parts spending too much time trying to figure them out.

When it comes to what's most important to you, actions speak louder than words.

Are your vital relationships getting the attention they require to remain healthy, or are you neglecting them while you stress over extra baggage?  Are you putting each in their proper perspective and allowing them only hold the power and influence they deserve?  

As you are planning your week, pencil in some time for staying in good relationship health.

Cheers.

Come on... Use your words...

"Words are free. It's how you use them that may cost you." - Unknown

Every day, via social media and online browsing, I read words that both blow my mind and make me flinch for the human who wrote them.  Not only do I see people using this wonderful freedom to express thoughts that may never have been heard beautifully, but also some who splash the most inane and inappropriate thoughts in a media that is much stronger and enduring than stone.  Stone and paper are not searchable and kept on a database.  Think of it folks.  In 200 years, my Great Great Great Grandchildren might be reading my words electronically.  What will they know of my from my tweets, my posts, and my responses?

 Sobering isn't it?

As I read the book, "Killing Jesus," I saw that while the author was writing a historical telling of the life of Jesus, one could not help but be given an insight into the reason the few words spoken by Jesus have lasted and endured for so many generations.  Jesus didn't broadcast his message arbitrarily on the street corners, and he chose carefully those who would repeat his message after his departure. He planted the seeds of his legacy selectively.  I know many see the survival of Christianity as miraculous, but this history book showed me it was wisely well planned.

It caused me to stop and think about how I spray my thoughts in this rapid-fire electronic age.

What I am inspired to hope for by the many great words of humans past,  is to leave a small crop of words creating a mark that will, in turn, inspire someone else.  They will not tell all of my stories, as the Gettysburg address doesn't tell the story of the Civil War's fight for freedom, but may they reflect some real part of who I tried to be.
What will your words say about you to the future?

Cheers.

You don't have to be big to be mighty

“Though she be but little, she is fierce!” 

-William Shakespeare, 'A Midsummer Night's Dream.'

I made the decision to deal finally with some long-term issues I've had with my pinky toe. We found a wonderful Podiatrist, Dr. Greg Walters, and I felt it was time to bring my right foot back to full health. How big a deal could it be to have your 'baby' toe - the one that cries 'wee wee wee all the way home' - get a little work done on it? 

Yeah, well, I now understand the wee wee wee from a new perspective...

While it's seriously not debilitating, I still find it astonishing how much such a very small part of my body is letting me know that it needs to heal. I have had some major surgery on big parts of my structure, and I had no problem respecting them while they recovered. But my little toe? (or 5th digit as Dr. Greg says) How does it command my respect? After all, what does it do for me?

It's a lesson in not forgetting that the smallest of things can be the mightiest.

Ever feel like you don't have a big voice or a majestic view of your position in the world? It's more likely that you just haven't found the right place to poke and insert yourself. Every one of us, no matter who we are, can make noise and make a difference. Because just like my baby toe, we were put there for a purpose. Here's to finding a way to make ourselves a fierce part of our world.

Cheers.

Try finding the sunny side.

I woke up this morning with a song on my mind that I hadn't heard for awhile.  It's called, "Keep On The Sunny Side of Life".  I found out it was written in 1899 by a guy named Ada Blenkhorn.  The chorus was all I could remember -

'Keep on the sunny side... Always on the sunny side...Keep on the sunny side of life.  It will help us every day; it will brighten all the way if we just keep on the sunny side of life.' 

Whenever I've walked in an unusually dark and challenging time of life, I've always tried to find the bright side.  A counselor once told me it's a survival skill.  The older I get, the more I realize that it's not a question of finding it, but just of choosing to recognize that it's there.

The bright side is sort of like the stars, always there but just not always seen.

That inner realization that it's there, unseen, can often get us through the dark days. Like a glorious sunrise that you expectantly wait to burst forth.  No matter the heaviness of your heart or the pain of your bones, you just know that the bright side will lighten your spirit and soothe your aches.

So today, if you don't like what you see, change your point of view. 

Find the sunny side, and give it a chance to shine through.   So here's to the bright side of whatever situation you might be thinking about right now.  May you allow the sunny side always to be on top!  

Cheers.

The Background Music of our Lives: It will live forever.

"It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you

You better let somebody love you (let somebody love you)

You better let somebody love you before it's too late" 

- 'Desperado', The Eagles

Yet another music icon from the 70's and beyond has died. Death is no stranger to me, and yet when I heard the announcement on my car radio, I uttered, "No, not an another one!". The death of so many great contributors to the music world in the new year seems boggling. I think the most telling words of those in my age group are, "He wasn't that old..." Well, late 60's is on the older end, but High School is a time that seems ageless. And both of these guys were an important part of this portion of our lives.

Their music was like the background music of our life.

As they played back the songs to memorialize Glen Frey, memories came rushing back to my head. Specific and significant events while growing into an adult. Words that reminded us of being young and finding our way:

"Take It easy, take it easy 

Don't let the sound of your own wheels 

drive you crazy 

Lighten up while you still can 

don't even try to understand 

Just find a place to make your stand 

and take it easy "

('Take it Easy' - The Eagles

We found our declaration of independence from heartbreak and unhealthy relationships in these words:

"Well I know it wasn't you who held me down 

Heaven knows it wasn't you who set me free 

So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains 

And we never even know we have the key"

(Already Gone - The Eagles)

We learned about the ephemeral quality of popularity in these words:

"You're walking away and they're talking behind you 

They will never forget you 'til somebody new comes along 

Where you been lately? There's a new kid in town"

(New Kid in Town - The Eagles)

And then came to the conclusion that it might be time to settle down if we wanted to be around for the long run:

"I used to hurry a lot, I used to worry a lot 

I used to stay out till the break of day 

Oh, that didn't get it, 

It was high time I quit it 

I just couldn't carry on that way.."

(In the Long Run - The Eagles)

I could go on and on. Many of the songs went unnoticed, then we got quiet and thought about what was going on. They filled our radios and our bedroom sanctuary. Our dorms and our apartments. And they, unlike their muses, will never die.

Cheers.

When color blindness is a good thing.

"I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but the content of their character." - The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Whenever I am reminded of this quote, and we will all hear it a lot today, the song by En Vogue, "Free Your Mind" starts to play in my head. 

I know, maybe I'm a little weird, but I think they might have based some of their song on this famous quote. The song talks about how the outside of a person is not really who they are - it's what is on the inside that will drive their actions. The past few years in our country seem to have brought the issue of color back to the surface, with people making some grandiose assumptions. Often they have been ugly and divisive. Did we all just get too comfortable, thinking we were passed it?

Or are there powers out there who just don't want us to get along?

I can't help but wonder how so much strife still exists within the melting pot of cultures that is the United States. Call me a dreamer, but I believe that most of us truly do look beyond the color, and we are color blind when it comes to race. But like the playground at school, when there was always a trouble maker kid who felt more comfortable when there was chaos, there are those in our neighborhoods and cities who can't grow up and out of it.

It doesn't mean we are a perfect union, but I do think it's time for the masses to speak up.

I plan on using this day to do as much good for my community and fellow humans as I possibly can. Because although there will be plenty of angry voices beating their desks on the television screen telling me that color is still a wedge between us, I will choose to believe that we have come a lot closer to seeing the wedge as more of an appreciated difference in our cultures. 

After all, being a community of diversity is what makes us stronger.

So here's to a man that helped us to learn that, and left behind a legacy of strength. 

Cheers.

Life is full of second chances. What will you do with yours?

"A second chance doesn't always mean a happy ending. Sometimes it is a chance to end things right." - Unknown

I did my best at parenting my children, but like most, I made many mistakes.

There are no real manuals to follow when you become a parent. Even the best books available can't touch on the way every human baby is born with a unique personality, behavior pattern, and genetic combinations. Believe me, I read everything I could get my hands on, and there were some foundational concepts I could implement, but each of my kids had their particular set of ways to rock a foundation to the core. I always fell back on covering a multitude of errors with a lot of love. 

And thankfully, they have turned out pretty well.

But I have wondered at times, "if I just knew then what I know now...". I used to do that so much, looking backward and wishing I could correct a wrong, have a do-over, erase an error. And while making restitution is good in many cases, there are far more circumstances when there is no going back. And yet, life has a way of repeating its history, and you see the same stars aligning with the same kind of choices. We call this a 'second chance'.

However, it doesn't mean the ending will be different.

You can change your choices and avoid some hurts and wrongs, but things may still not end happily. While we may think we have the power to create, when others are involved, we are only a part of the outcome. Individuals will make their choices, and that's something you can't own. So we can only take the second chance as a way to end things right this time. We get an opportunity to walk away free.

Each day of our lives gives us, at least, one. This time, make it right. 

Cheers.

Finding 'The One'.

If you don't laugh at least once while you're having sex,

you are having sex with the wrong person...

I didn't find the person I would spend the rest of my life with until I was 40. I had been married once at the age of 20. I had 4 children in 4 years. I wish I could use youth as the reason why my first spouse was not my lifetime spouse. But I can't get away with that excuse. I was just anxious and full of faith in my ability to do anything I wanted to do. I jumped into a relationship with a person who was far from settled or directed. I came from a terrible family life, and he came from a great one. I convinced myself and him that we could do this. 19 years later, I had to admit I was wrong. But I refused to give up on lifetime love.

But then I found this really dorky guy who lived half a country away.

And he had been through a heartbreaking attempt at marriage too. He was so calm and level, and while he was still a little unsure of his future, he never made me feel like that worried him. He was secure and most of all, so funny. He made me laugh at the oddest times. Later, when we were intimate, he even made me laugh then too. I think that is when I realized that I had truly found 'The One' this time.

So I guess I just wanted to encourage you not to see lifetime commitment as some big serious venture.

Real love is when you find someone really annoying at times, but you still want to be around them. They understand your quirks, call you out when you are being insincere, and laugh at your attempts to be too sexy when you are a Grandmother. Real love is gritty and greasy, and sometimes stinky. But that's what makes it the one thing that can always bring a smile to your face when you think of their face.

So here's to finding "The One".

CHEERS, FRIENDS!

I didn't win the lottery....Or did I?

"I will win...

Not immediately,

but definitively." - Anonymous

Biggest lottery ever last night: 1.6 billion dollars. The talk of the possibilities hung heavy in the air everywhere you went. Someone would surely win - why not me or you? So we buy tickets, which in reality are really more like just paying an additional tax to the government, as the likelihood of winning is slim to none (you know the odds: lightening strikes, getting hit by space junk, meeting your doppelganger in real life...) And you can't help but daydream about what it would be like to have that much money at your disposal. 

But then they draw the numbers, and you don't have even one.

So did you lose? How can you lose something you really didn't ever have or put any effort into? Nah, you just were not as lucky as someone else (or 3 other people in this case). So my life is still devoid of a millions of dollars today. So is yours probably too. But when I look around my life, and I take inventory of how much I have, I begin to see that I really am pretty lucky. I have gotten crazy lucky in so many of the aspects of my life: In love, in my career, in my kids, grandkids and even in my dog. So the quote above is my mantra for today. The things I can do, what I really put my effort into, that's what I am going to win. 

I've already won the life lottery. It's likely you have too.

So here's to us...

CHEERS, FRIENDS!