Time to Leave the Circus...

Don't be upset at people who are clowns.

Just stop being a part of their circus...

I wrote this today after a bit of a restless night.

I went to bed with a conversation I had with a close friend heavy on my heart. It wasn't that what they shared impacted me directly so much or caused me to feel unease about a response. The issue was how they were being impacted, and how much angst they were experiencing as they tried to sort through a solution. I wanted so badly to be able to take their burden from them. But as we talked, I knew more and more that this would be impossible. Acting for them in response to the issue would only put off the inevitable. 

The people she was being pursued by needed to find their own way.

My friend was now advancing in age and responsibility, and so were those who insisted on making sure my friend was acutely aware of their needs. While there had always seemingly been a way to provide help with some controls, it was now well out of control. As my beginning statement says, my friend was a standard part of their circus. But my friend is not a clown, and she doesn't even like clowns. In fact, she's done all she can to not be a clown and done a fantastic job of it. But how do you help a person who is being taunted break the cycle and walk away from the circus?

It's harder to do than it sounds. Because they have a contract on their head called 'guilt by association'.

I don't find it surprising when grown ups continue to expect everyone to take care of them when they put themselves in crisis again... and again. And when they refuse to take responsibility for where they are, that also seems to align with the first behavior.  When you are the kind of grown-up who wants to remain just childlike enough to need parental units your entire life, it becomes a perpetual cycle that is tough to break. These people seek out targets that they appear to keep in tow like reference books in a library. They try to be careful not to overuse any one, not to damage it beyond repair. But eventually, they use up most of the ones that have no emotional ties, and so they are left with those who they are bonded to. Either by blood, or by experiences, or some obligatory memory. And they use this tie, like a noose, pulling at it relentlessly.

Cutting off the noose isn't cutting off the relationship. It's correcting its course.

You can still know the clowns and even stay in touch. But you don't have to be a party to their circus. 

Slip off the noose and tear up your season pass ticket.

They will find another audience... Or take off that silly makeup. 

Cheers.