Happy Valentine's Day - TO ME.

"Worry about loving yourself instead of loving the idea of other people loving you."

~Unknown

I spent most of my life trying to make myself worthy of love.

I showered those around me with as much love as I could muster, hoping beyond hope that they might love me back. And if they didn't, I never blamed them. After all, why would they love me and all the imperfection I knew lived inside of me? I felt helpless to change any of it and carried it with me like a red badge of rejection.

Today, I am living a completely different existence.

It's one that is based upon acceptance of myself and recognition of the power and responsibility I have over caring for me. I no longer rely on others to prove to me I am worth loving. I now base my understanding on the way I treat me. I sustain the person who is giving it all she has to be a good and kind human. A healthy human, inside and out.

So I want to encourage you today to wrap your arms around you before you do it to someone else.

Give yourself a good long squeeze and breathe into the embrace. It will not only make you feel fantastic, but it will make the next hug you give to another soul even more purposeful. It demonstrates to you that you are worthy of the love you receive and shows those you love that you have a healthy and robust place to love them from.

Loving yourself is the beginning of being able to truly love others. 

Give it a try.

Be true to you. 

Be Yours.

Cheers.

Are you holding yourself back?

Stop holding yourself back. Haven't enough people tried that and failed?

~Me

Have you ever heard yourself say, "Geez, I need to get started on this."

It's the song of a heart that is filled with dreams that have been stored but never started. A myriad of excuses, a list full of great reasons, but a mind filled with 'why not's'... In my seasoned aged, I understand that there are some very functional reasons behind what is stopping us, and it's that person staring at you in the mirror. Yup, it's you...

Perhaps it's time to say, "It IS about YOU."

Take a look at a short list I created that might touch on some of the ways you can stop being that thing that is holding yourself back:

1. Change your attitude to reflect what you want to become.
Your attitude will either move you forward or backward. It’s significantly affected by what you believe since what you think determines the decisions you make. Your beliefs mainly stem from your past - what people said and did to you and what you concluded those experiences meant to you. Become aware of what people told you when you were a child and ask yourself if those statements were actually true. Study your accomplishments and your environment, go over what you have done so far and see if they align with the accused comments.

2. You know more than you think.
Stop selling yourself short by saying, “I don’t know” and instead say, “I will figure it out,” and ask yourself “How can I do this better?” You can ask for help and connect yourself to the right resources as part of your self-development journey so you can become more, know more, and prepare for the challenges ahead.

3. Do not allow defeat to win over triumph.
There are two kinds of memory banks. One is “Defeat,” and the other is “Triumph.” In the first you store all your memories of things you believe you haven’t done well; in the second, memories of times when you’ve succeeded. Everything you’ve ever experienced lives in one of these memory banks, which you will withdraw from in the future to inform your decisions. Your choice will educate your habits and behavior, which ultimately dictate your success and happiness.

4. Embrace mistakes as teachers.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Mistakes are part of life. I have learned to love them. Though I don’t look to make mistakes often, they are my teachers in growth and self-improvement. If you really want something, you have to be prepared to seize opportunities, work hard for it, and never give up.

You have the power to overcome the limiting beliefs that stop you from realizing your full potential and creating happiness. 

It starts with the choice to stop giving them power and start seizing new opportunities.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you should never quit anything. You need to set goals that align with your values.

If your values change along the way, as we all know may happen as we get older, it is okay to give them up and embark on a new journey.

Cheers.

Remaining Open To Transformation - At Any Age.

“We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.” ~Charles R. Swindoll

Ever noticed a chrysalis hidden within its cocoon? The final few moments before it emerges as a butterfly compose what science terms as metamorphosis, a transformation.

What is inside has to struggle quite a bit before it gets all the attention for being the magnificent creature it is. It’s long and painful. However, while watching it, you may be tempted to clip off the outer covering of the chrysalis with a pair of scissors. And you might do it, thinking you’re doing it a favor. But when it finally emerges, you’d be sorely disappointed. On the other hand, if you can muster up the patience to watch this metamorphosis take place, without any intervention from your side, you’ll see one of the most beautiful miracles of nature, and one of life’s best lessons.

Our lives are journeys to this same type of metamorphosis, to find a sense of purpose in life. 

Each one of us has had to let go of a dream, compromise, and experience pain and the entire gamut of emotions that an undesirable change can bring. But by no means did it ever spell the end of all dreams.

Every lousy experience, painful relationship, and compromise you’ve ever made in good conscience will somehow transform into a beautiful inner reservoir of spiritual gifts and blessings. Change is hard, but a transformation is painful at many points of the process.

I think life wants you to take notice of three things when you’re going through a difficult time that may seem eternal:

Trust life. There’s a higher purpose behind every seemingly impossible and challenging phase. You’ve just got to hang in there and know that it’s for the best.

Change. If you find yourself feeling crummy a lot more often than not, take time out to reflect on whether or not you’re happy deep down with what you’re doing.

Believe. Believe in yourself, even if the world around you doesn’t. If you don’t, who will?

Hold onto what you believe in. You’re meant to emerge as a beautiful butterfly from your chrysalis. Always remember that, with a smile, and give yourself a chance to entirely transform.

Cheers.

Are You Making Resolutions or Are You Resolved?

"Your success and happiness lie in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties." 

~Helen Keller

Are you a Resolution maker?

During these last few weeks of the year, many among us turn our minds to the fresh start of New Years. Although reality tells us it's just a continuation of time that holds no special purpose, the calendar tradition of changing the number on the year date denotes a starting over event. It's almost as though a slate filled with words and lists has been wiped clean. And with that comes the task of making new lists, and writing new words, things we call "Resolutions". 

What is a 'Resolution'? A wish? A hope? A yearly thing you start over?

I know that many make frivolous statements about what they want to change or do in the new year, and some of this serial self-letdown can start to become habitual. It is, after all, a resolution - literally a firm decision to act in some way.  Watching yourself firmly resolve only to see a quiet slide in the other direction has to do something to one's self-image. 

The question is, just how much negative build up happens after years and years of letting yourself down? 

Perhaps it's time to resolve not to over or understate your resolve this year.  Being resolutely steadfast and honest about what you can accomplish doesn't mean under-achieving, it just means deciding to build on what is real and possible.  If the foundation of your excellent resolution is sand, you're not going to have a lot of luck building stable and long-lasting outcomes. 

My farmer's daughter roots tell me that you have to know your soil before you decide what to plant, and preparing that soil is the most important step in the harvest.  

How about building on the decision to be happy for a change?

If the actions behind your resolutions are not making you happy, do you think you'll ever continue them? Ever seen a truck stuck in the thick mud?

Be resolute and happier about your resolve throughout the year, not just for the first weeks of it.

Let this be day 1 of 365.

Cheers.

You Are The Pilot Of The Flying Time

“Without giving up hope—that there’s somewhere better to be, that there’s someone better to be—we will never relax with where we are or who we are.” 

~Pema Chödrön

Time Flies.

It’s a fact that we all live with. It appears as though the older we get, the more it feels like the time is flying even faster - and our legs are getting tired, not to mention our other body parts.

I used to spend my days in a frenzy.

It was all about checking off items on the list, and moving forward to some elusive time or place when I would have… time.

Thankfully, I have now changed my relationship with my precious twenty-four hours. I thought I would share a few tips that have helped me to have a more joyous perspective on being the pilot of my time.

1. Notice the words “I don’t have enough time.” Change the language.

We’ve established that we all have the same amount of time. So why dwell on the obvious? Instead, be honest with yourself. If there is something that you are not doing, you are choosing not to.

Instead say, “I would love to, but I have another commitment.” Be present with that. Notice how it feels to have made that choice. Perhaps, you will make a different decision next time.

2. Know what your priorities are. Stick to them.

Today, I know precisely what my priorities are. And they are so simple.

Stay healthy—physically, mentally, and spiritually. I make time for about one hour of yoga and walking six days a week.

By knowing my priorities and sticking to them, I know I am making the best of my twenty-four hours. I am consistently doing things that are important to me, and that I feel are making a contribution in some way.

3. Let go of what others think of you. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Sticking to your priorities will involve a whole lot of saying no. No is a complete sentence. You will get better at it. People will respect you for it.

4. Stop worrying about your “purpose.

This is a colossal waste of time.  When it comes down to it, you live your life how you live your days. If you live your days, your moments, your hours well, you will spend your life well.

So stop worrying about your “life,” and bring your attention to what this day brings. Love all of it. Your purpose is not to change the world, but to experience it fully in all its ambiguity.

Now, time to 'throttle up'...

Cheers.

It Might Be Time To Get Out Of Your Own Way.

“I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, 

the astonishing light of your own being.” 

~Hafiz of Shiraz

I have been on a quest to be happy for as long as I can remember.

Perhaps you are like me. You looked everywhere - relationships, work, spirituality - but nothing stuck. It was like putting on a chapstick over dried out and cracked lips. The relief was temporary, then the agitation that lived under the smile was back.

I knew there had to be more, and I want to tell you that I found it when I learned to get out of the way.

Without realizing it, I had been caught up in habitual ways of thinking and feeling that dominated my everyday life. My mind went on endlessly with judgments, expectations, worries, resentments, and stories about what should and shouldn't happen. And I had overlooked the feelings of fear and uneasiness that were running beneath the surface almost nonstop. Life was happening, but with a constant inner commentary about how things weren't quite right. No wonder I wasn't happy.

Fast forward to now, and things are very different. 

No more useless worrying, regret, or getting caught in mental stories about other people or myself. Even my body has relaxed without that lurking agitation.
And here's what I discovered:

Getting out of the way means becoming very familiar with your inner world. 

You discover what you do that makes you suffer so you can choose peace instead.

Amazingly, you realize that you can press pause in any moment and step back from the momentum of old, recycled habits. Take time to reconsider.

When you do, you see what is actually happening: the pain of being stuck in an old resentment that has been dragging you down, and the chaos that comes from letting your feelings rule.

With your eyes wide open, you are primed to live in intelligent ways, affirming, and aligned with your deepest desires.

Finally, clarity arrives.

Cheers.

Remember, Circumstances Are Temporary Things.

"Where you are is not who you are. Yours truly, Circumstances."

~Me

Does anyone else dread getting back to work after missing a few days?

It's great to have a break, but the work goes on, and you have to come back to catch up. I noticed this week after returning from a day off that I had a cloud hanging over me for much of the day. It began with the very first email I received and grew darker around lunchtime. I found myself feeling a little frantic and disconcerted. Would I really be able to accomplish what was needed to right this queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach?

And then, I had a meltdown on my husband over a silly comment regarding my driving...

I stomped into the sandwich shop ahead of him and encountered a long line. Of course. I found myself saying in my head, "Geez, what a lame set of circumstances I'm encountering today!" And then it hit me, as insight often does if we are listening. These clouds, these circumstances, were just temporary. Whether by the passing of time or the expression of action, they would soon be gone. 

Circumstances are not 'life sentences,' they are punctuation marks. 

Our circumstances are like a comma or a semi-colon, or even an exclamation mark - placed in our lives due to a change in direction of some kind. They are intentioned to get our attention, and they will whether we like it or not. 

The key, as always, is how we respond.

Do we roll up into a ball and wait for the storm to pass? 

Do we tense up our shoulders and grit our teeth?

Or, do we acknowledge them, deal with them, and wave goodbye?

Cheers.