Are You Making Resolutions or Are You Resolved?

"Your success and happiness lie in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties." 

~Helen Keller

Are you a Resolution maker?

During these last few weeks of the year, many among us turn our minds to the fresh start of New Years. Although reality tells us it's just a continuation of time that holds no special purpose, the calendar tradition of changing the number on the year date denotes a starting over event. It's almost as though a slate filled with words and lists has been wiped clean. And with that comes the task of making new lists, and writing new words, things we call "Resolutions". 

What is a 'Resolution'? A wish? A hope? A yearly thing you start over?

I know that many make frivolous statements about what they want to change or do in the new year, and some of this serial self-letdown can start to become habitual. It is, after all, a resolution - literally a firm decision to act in some way.  Watching yourself firmly resolve only to see a quiet slide in the other direction has to do something to one's self-image. 

The question is, just how much negative build up happens after years and years of letting yourself down? 

Perhaps it's time to resolve not to over or understate your resolve this year.  Being resolutely steadfast and honest about what you can accomplish doesn't mean under-achieving, it just means deciding to build on what is real and possible.  If the foundation of your excellent resolution is sand, you're not going to have a lot of luck building stable and long-lasting outcomes. 

My farmer's daughter roots tell me that you have to know your soil before you decide what to plant, and preparing that soil is the most important step in the harvest.  

How about building on the decision to be happy for a change?

If the actions behind your resolutions are not making you happy, do you think you'll ever continue them? Ever seen a truck stuck in the thick mud?

Be resolute and happier about your resolve throughout the year, not just for the first weeks of it.

Let this be day 1 of 365.

Cheers.

You Are The Pilot Of The Flying Time

“Without giving up hope—that there’s somewhere better to be, that there’s someone better to be—we will never relax with where we are or who we are.” 

~Pema Chödrön

Time Flies.

It’s a fact that we all live with. It appears as though the older we get, the more it feels like the time is flying even faster - and our legs are getting tired, not to mention our other body parts.

I used to spend my days in a frenzy.

It was all about checking off items on the list, and moving forward to some elusive time or place when I would have… time.

Thankfully, I have now changed my relationship with my precious twenty-four hours. I thought I would share a few tips that have helped me to have a more joyous perspective on being the pilot of my time.

1. Notice the words “I don’t have enough time.” Change the language.

We’ve established that we all have the same amount of time. So why dwell on the obvious? Instead, be honest with yourself. If there is something that you are not doing, you are choosing not to.

Instead say, “I would love to, but I have another commitment.” Be present with that. Notice how it feels to have made that choice. Perhaps, you will make a different decision next time.

2. Know what your priorities are. Stick to them.

Today, I know precisely what my priorities are. And they are so simple.

Stay healthy—physically, mentally, and spiritually. I make time for about one hour of yoga and walking six days a week.

By knowing my priorities and sticking to them, I know I am making the best of my twenty-four hours. I am consistently doing things that are important to me, and that I feel are making a contribution in some way.

3. Let go of what others think of you. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Sticking to your priorities will involve a whole lot of saying no. No is a complete sentence. You will get better at it. People will respect you for it.

4. Stop worrying about your “purpose.

This is a colossal waste of time.  When it comes down to it, you live your life how you live your days. If you live your days, your moments, your hours well, you will spend your life well.

So stop worrying about your “life,” and bring your attention to what this day brings. Love all of it. Your purpose is not to change the world, but to experience it fully in all its ambiguity.

Now, time to 'throttle up'...

Cheers.

It Might Be Time To Get Out Of Your Own Way.

“I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, 

the astonishing light of your own being.” 

~Hafiz of Shiraz

I have been on a quest to be happy for as long as I can remember.

Perhaps you are like me. You looked everywhere - relationships, work, spirituality - but nothing stuck. It was like putting on a chapstick over dried out and cracked lips. The relief was temporary, then the agitation that lived under the smile was back.

I knew there had to be more, and I want to tell you that I found it when I learned to get out of the way.

Without realizing it, I had been caught up in habitual ways of thinking and feeling that dominated my everyday life. My mind went on endlessly with judgments, expectations, worries, resentments, and stories about what should and shouldn't happen. And I had overlooked the feelings of fear and uneasiness that were running beneath the surface almost nonstop. Life was happening, but with a constant inner commentary about how things weren't quite right. No wonder I wasn't happy.

Fast forward to now, and things are very different. 

No more useless worrying, regret, or getting caught in mental stories about other people or myself. Even my body has relaxed without that lurking agitation.
And here's what I discovered:

Getting out of the way means becoming very familiar with your inner world. 

You discover what you do that makes you suffer so you can choose peace instead.

Amazingly, you realize that you can press pause in any moment and step back from the momentum of old, recycled habits. Take time to reconsider.

When you do, you see what is actually happening: the pain of being stuck in an old resentment that has been dragging you down, and the chaos that comes from letting your feelings rule.

With your eyes wide open, you are primed to live in intelligent ways, affirming, and aligned with your deepest desires.

Finally, clarity arrives.

Cheers.

Remember, Circumstances Are Temporary Things.

"Where you are is not who you are. Yours truly, Circumstances."

~Me

Does anyone else dread getting back to work after missing a few days?

It's great to have a break, but the work goes on, and you have to come back to catch up. I noticed this week after returning from a day off that I had a cloud hanging over me for much of the day. It began with the very first email I received and grew darker around lunchtime. I found myself feeling a little frantic and disconcerted. Would I really be able to accomplish what was needed to right this queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach?

And then, I had a meltdown on my husband over a silly comment regarding my driving...

I stomped into the sandwich shop ahead of him and encountered a long line. Of course. I found myself saying in my head, "Geez, what a lame set of circumstances I'm encountering today!" And then it hit me, as insight often does if we are listening. These clouds, these circumstances, were just temporary. Whether by the passing of time or the expression of action, they would soon be gone. 

Circumstances are not 'life sentences,' they are punctuation marks. 

Our circumstances are like a comma or a semi-colon, or even an exclamation mark - placed in our lives due to a change in direction of some kind. They are intentioned to get our attention, and they will whether we like it or not. 

The key, as always, is how we respond.

Do we roll up into a ball and wait for the storm to pass? 

Do we tense up our shoulders and grit our teeth?

Or, do we acknowledge them, deal with them, and wave goodbye?

Cheers. 

Let Your Inner Dancer Become Your Dance!

“What you think of yourself is much more important than what people think of you.”

 ~Seneca

I can still remember it like it happened yesterday.

There I was. Ten years old. It was my first day back at a new school. My 4th in my young life.

I walked past the gate that marked the entrance to the school compound. I passed under this massive tree as it towered over me. I was in a crowd of other screaming school kids. They laughed and cackled loudly. It was cold, and yet I was dressed in a short-sleeved dress and black 'go-go' boots.

Me? I just felt overwhelmed. See, I was always an anxious kid. Scared. Worried that I would not be successful at this new school. If I struggled and had trouble, that would only add to the tension and disruption in my home. I had to make it, and help my parents find a reason to be happy. That was the world I lived in.

For many years, my obligation to make others happy tainted my vision like prison bars that impose a life sentence on inmates who have long forgotten the bars even exist. Thankfully, people were put in my path who told me I could be more. They told me I deserved to be free, and confident in my abilities.

But there was a process to becoming the self-confident human I am today. I had to lose the self-consciousness that stopped me from finding the rhythm of my life and dancing to it. I had to....

Let the dancer become the dance.

Do you ever feel disconnected from what you’re doing because of that little voice telling you that you're not good enough? Does your mental chatter derail your sincere efforts? If so, you’re not alone. We all experience this from time to time. I think I've found part of the solution to this constricting behavior.

Make a decision to lose yourself completely in your work and in the moments of your life. Get so absorbed in it that you enter a state of flow. Let the dancer become the dance. Become the subject of your bigger picture, not a just small segment of your story.

When the dancer becomes the dance, there is no dancer. It's just a lovely performance. Therefore, there is no one to suffer from lack of confidence. No one to draw the attention to themselves and their difference.

There’s just the dance. The flow.

It's not blending in and becoming unseen.

It's finding how you are vital to all that surrounds you.

Cheers.

Can You Go With The Flow Of Your Life?

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” ~Lao Tzu

I have had to find (and am still finding) my balance of what truly makes me the valuable person that I am. 

Most of all, I have had to learn how to embrace the fluidity of life. I believe this is what Lao Tzu meant by his words.

I had to learn to stop fighting against the flow.

The illusion of “I am that” holds many of us captive in prisons of our own making. In the struggle to define ourselves as individuals, we often paint ourselves into lonely and sometimes dangerous corners. Gender, sexual orientation, politics, religion, race - although we may belong to a particular group, it is the over-identification with that group that separates us from the next individual. We become stunted in growth when we cling to these outward labels.

We can even become over-identified with the roles we play such as spouse, parent, or child.

What happens when circumstances change? 

Does this explain the ex-lover who can’t let go or the overbearing parent of an adult child? Our titles, our affiliations, and even our closest relationships don’t define the cores of who we are. “I am that” leads to stagnation. It blocks our journey to wholeness. We often fail to remember that our commonality is the only identification that matters.

Spiritual progression requires that we learn to welcome flow. 

What misguided visions of yourself do you hold?
What constraints have you placed around yourself to impede your own evolution?
What must you let go of to become who you might be?

Cheers.

Finding Your "To-Be List" vs. Your "To-Do List"

“Don’t equate your self-worth with how well you do in life.  You aren’t what you do. If you are what you do, then when you don’t…you aren’t.” 

~Wayne Dyer

As you crawl into bed, thump your pillow to make the perfect little cave for your head to rest in, 

You will pull the covers up tight under your chin, and let go of that big sigh that indicates the day is finished, how do you look back on the waking hours you just experienced? How do you measure the quality of your day? Most of us will measure our day by what we did. We will reflect back and count the things on the to-do list we were able to check off. The more check marks, the better.

How well we did will also come into play as we reflect back on our doing. 

The more praise we received for it, either the self-provided kind or that offered by others, the higher we rank our day regarding quality. We may compare our daily accomplishments to those of the people who trudged through the hours with us. “Did I do more or better than Jim, John, or Mary?” No matter how much we goofed up if Mary goofed up more than we can sigh with relief and call it a good day as we close our eyes for the night.

What happens, however, if you never got done what you wanted to get done? 

Most of us still measure the quality of our daily experiences, the quality of our lives by what we do, and what we accomplish on our list. We seldom determine the value of our life experience by how present we are or are not. We don’t stop ourselves from thinking of the ‘next thing’ vs. focusing on this special minute. We allow the list to rule us. We become it's robots.

Rather thank the owners of it.

What would happen if we started doing that?

The list would be much shorter.

But perhaps a lot richer.

Cheers.