When toleration isn't a two-way street...

“The final proof of greatness lies in being about to endure criticism without resentment.” 

~Elbert Hubbard

Good old Social Media sure allows the real feelings of some to come out...

I had worked with a person for nearly 4 years, and yet I didn't realize how little he could tolerate me. Sure, I knew we had some political disagreements, and we were certainly both quite opinionated, but I felt okay about being sincere and sharing openly when in discussions. Then one day, during the past horrid political cycle, I 'shared' something about one of the candidates on my 'wall.' I didn't think it was snarky or degrading, just a small few sentences about how I felt about one of their 'stands' on one of my 'issues.' I had to gulp hard at the response I received from this person. Although relatively quiet and unassuming, they let go a deluge of personal insults about my character, my intelligence and my lack of thought. It was pretty brutal.

And what hurt the most, was that I had always tried to be tolerant of differing thought and opinion.

Does this sound familiar? I know many of us have been on this street we consider being a two-way one: Tolerance. But it's not so...

The people who love you will support you and sing your praises. They will defend you in the sight of defamation, be there to toast your victories and wipe your tears during your defeats.

And just when you really begin to shine, you hear it on the wind: someone has a problem with the way you look, the way you sing, dance, or flip veggie burgers - or what you think. Maybe he or she even has a problem with the way you express yourself, like my 'Facebook' friend.

Our society calls them “haters.” I detest that label.  Labeling these individuals as one-dimensional blots of hatred isn’t really the answer. That can't sum up a person. After all, some of them may even be good people who just happen to be succumbing to the twinge of the ego.

Here is where some of you are probably thinking, “that’s not my problem.” It's theirs!

My answer to this is simple. It will be your problem if you let it be. And for many years, I have let it be my problem. The Facebook bomb thrower wasn’t the only instance, and I burdened myself with what I did to deserve such negative feedback.

Why didn’t these people like me? What could I do to stop them from 'unfriending' me? After some consideration, I realized this fact:

If you zero in on the negativity of these people when they are in the throes of their negative spin, you will be anchoring yourself to their personal baggage and participating in their internal struggle.

In essence, you will be making their problem, your problem.

But to rise above the darkness is a little harsh. Many times, it will seem that these people will do anything and everything to make you feel bad about yourself. In fact, you have to be a pretty secure person to be able to withstand any onslaught that is less than warm and fuzzy. I actually just encountered this person at a dinner, and they remained aloof and distant. It was weird, but I didn't let it ruin my fun or interactions with others.

So how does one move forward in the face of ugliness?

For me, it took a flip of perspective to a more joyous one.

I had to toughen up and see that people who throw online bombs in your face when you’ve done nothing wrong are a part of our life’s transformative process. They are there to teach us, not to tear us, even if that's not their intent.

I'll tell you more in Friday's Thought Tale.

Cheers.