It's a heartache - When someone you love is broken.

"Unfortunately, addicts don't respond to reason or rationality."

~Jane Velez-Mitchell

"There are just some things you can't love out of a person."

These were the words of my dear late Mother-In-Law Cathy. She said them to me as we discussed a commonly loved one who found themselves in a life and death battle with addiction. As mothers, we both understood the natural assumption of just conveying over and over how important and loved the person was would be enough. Surely they would find our divine and beautiful love a preferred serotonin producer over whatever they were currently choosing. Right? No, unfortunately, always wrong.

And unlike when they wouldn't eat their spinach, we didn't have a better treat to offer.

Another way we guide our loved ones to the right choice is to provide them with a reinforcer for good behavior. I recall my parents being famous for saying, "Just lose 20 lbs., and we'll go shopping." All the new clothes in the world didn't feel better to me than a giant hot fudge sundae from Baskin Robbins. But we still try and try to find that better offering don't we? Lying awake at night just trying to imagine what will entice them to give up the demon that has taken hold of their soul. But as the quote above states, 

"Unfortunately, addicts don't respond to reason or rationality."

And perhaps, they will finally land themselves in a hospital, jail or just unable to get out of bed.

We then imagine we might be able to nurse it out of them. Bind up the wound with the right medicine, be it pharmaceutical, herbal or just TLC. Maybe if they see our love in 'action' they will want to get on board and have the desire to be healed? But all we become is a way to continue to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions that brought them to this place. The more we twist ourselves into various shapes to offer help, the more they point out that we are just not quite enough...

And it's a heartache beyond imagination. One that comes from sacrificial love. But our love isn't all they need. 

They need to love themselves enough to stop poisoning their body and mind.

We can demonstrate that through self-care. Self-love. Self respect.

For ourselves first. 

Cheers.